Move over, Fifty Shades of Gray! Shut up, Dirty Dancing! Step aside, Ghost! Stop being so rapey, Last Tango in Paris! Go to hell, Ernest Scared Stupid! You want some real sexy movies to get you hot and bothered this Valentine’s Day? Well, your old pal Krysta is here to provide!
If there is one thing I know, it’s romance. If there’s another thing I know, it’s being cheap, so what’s a better cheap Valentine’s Date night then staying in and watching a sexy movie? So break out your $10 bottles of wine and get ready for me to help you bring the heat with these five hot movie picks!
Weekend at Bernie’s
What’s more romantic than a guy carrying around his dead boss all weekend at the beach so he can impress the girl of his dreams? Nothing I can think of! And what’s hotter than a lady who fucks a corpse without knowing she’s fucking a corpse? Uhhh, not much! If you’re into people doing messed up stuff with a middle-aged man’s dead body (who isn’t?!) then this is the movie for you this Valentine’s Day!
One of the most critically acclaimed films of all-time, this sensual masterpiece has hot sex, weird accents, numerous plot holes, way too many characters, and a sexy breast cancer twist…maybe? You’ll never hear the name ‘Lisa’ the same way again!
This 90’s mega hit stars Julia Sweeney as the androgynous sex symbol, Pat. This film is a pleasure for both women AND men because Pat is appealing to any and every sexuality because nothing was funnier in the 90’s than gender ambiguity and people being confused about gender and sexuality! ME-OW!
Ummm, forget about the big dance finale in Dirty Dancing and try checking out the dance finale in Napoleon Dynamite if you want a real sexual awakening!
The film that launched Bennifer! If you were following celeb gossip back in the early 2000s you’ll know there was no couple hotter than Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, and Gigli was the film that brought them together. You thought Brad and Angelina were hot in Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Wait until you see the sheer magnitude of the Bennifer chemistry! As J.Lo so seductively says to Ben: ‘It’s turkey time, gobble gobble.’