The main problem with famous people is that they have such trouble keeping their underpants on. Everyone’s at it these days. It’s all sex here, sex over there, more sex here again. Do an interview, have a bit of sex. Sing a song, then have sex. Go to an awards show, have sex with someone first.
The latest celebrity having sex with people who aren’t his wife is Mark Owen – the cute little gentleman from Take That. The one who looks like the main character in an imaginary?film called Hobbits – Lost in Miami.
Only, whilst the funny little people in that?movie would just?wander around looking confused and overawed by everything – even everyday?items like kettles, or ironing boards?- in real life Mark has been busily showing strangers his penis.
So, with that in mind, we thought it high time to list some famous people who DEFINITELY would not cheat on you if you got married…
Britney Spears
Yes, this one might come as a shock to some, being that Britney doesn’t tend to wash herself or bother with things like bras – normally tell tale signs that a lady might be dabbling in prostitution/crack, but not here. No, these are signals that smack of a woman who doesn’t want to attract the kind of smooth talkers who specialise in having rampant affairs with glamorous celebrities. She just wants a man who will love her for the terrifying maniac that she is. That could be you.
Joe Jonas
The Jonas?Brothers have made a solemn vow never to have sex with anyone without first getting written permission from God. In infidelity terms, this can only be a good thing. But as with any family, you must beware the first born, and the last – they’re the most likely to skid off the rails, and succumb to the temptation of a frantic liaison with a girl who snuck onto the tour bus. Go for the level head in the middle – Joe. You know what they say, once a virgin always a virgin. Actually, that last bit’s not strictly true.
Geri Halliwell
My God, Geri Halliwell would love you. Love you with a blistering intensity that would blow your mind. No chance of any illicit sex here, because the woman would be too busy clinging onto your waist,?begging that you outline exactly what it is that you love about her again… every damn day for the rest of your life. We’ll be honest, in this scenario, you’re the most likely party to slope off looking for cheap thrills. If only to forget. Just for a few stolen moments.
Tom Cruise
Remember, having a sexual affair with someone is very time consuming, and probably quite tiring too. Tom Cruise would be far?too busy for that kind of nonsense – what with his career as a movie star, his pledge to rid the world of lizard-people (who are EVERYWHERE, by the way), and all the time spent at dinner parties,?attempting to passive-aggressively make everyone like him. Sex just doesn’t even come into it.
Cliff Richard
Cliff doesn’t do sex.
This was a guest blog by Josh Burt from Interestment Comedy, which you will probably love
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