Thanks to a mixture of Easter, Dancing On Ice and our utter, utter cluelessness when it comes to scheduling, we have a treat for you.
That’s right, we’re going to be profiling two Eurovision 2009 entries per day from now on. Unless we’ve made another miscalculation. Which we suspect we have. Anyway, the point is that with double the Eurovision goodness every day, you’ll be twice as happy. Or twice as morbidly depressed. You’re welcome, readers!
Here’s the Eurovision rundown for Waldo’s People from Finland and Patricia Kaas from France…
Finland ? Waldo’s People, Lose Control
As is becoming depressingly familiar, Eurovision this year is mostly made up of a load of continental X Factor cast-offs – so it's nice to see Finland entering a group who have apparently pioneered Finnish dance music for the last decade. And what exactly does Finnish dance music sound like? Well, if Lose Control is any example, it's basically bad trance music featuring a middle-aged man in a baseball cap shouting all kinds of indecipherable nonsense. Apparently the lyrics to Lose Control begin with the line ?I got this panic emotion that I cannot describe to you? which seems a little bit redundant. If you can't describe it in words, Waldo?s People, can't you draw a picture or something? Not only would you be able to describe your emotion more effectively, but you'd also be sparing us all the crappy 15-year-old trance music as well. Just a suggestion.
France ? Patricia Kaas, Et s’il fallait le faire
France have played a couple of blinders at Eurovision lately, especially last year when Sebastian Tellier came on in a golfcart, sung some impossibly cool cutting-edge electro and then performed the final verse while sucking helium out of an inflatable globe. It certainly made a change from all the drearily existential piano jazz ballads that France traditionally enters. So this year France has maximised upon this by releasing Et s’il fallait le faire by Patricia Kaas – perhaps the drearyist existential piano jazz ballad ever written. ?And if it had to be done, I would repel the winter,? it goes, ?With hard blows of springtime and long clear mornings.? Which actually makes it sound sort of chirpy, until you listen to it and realise that it sounds exactly like a drawn-out carbon monoxide poisoning. It's a gigantic step backwards for France, and the organisers are obviously banking on Patricia Kass?s international appeal for success. But on the basis of Et s’il fallait le faire, all of her fans will be too busy trying to smother themselves with cushions to vote.
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