Hello again. You want to know what's going to happen next in Eastenders, thus ruining any sense of drama or surprise? We’re here to help you.
This week is all about Billie. After last week?s abuse revelations and his violent attack on Jay?sorry, that's Billy with a ‘y’. Or Billy with a why? if you will (why doesn't someone put him out of his misery?) Anyway, this is Billie with an ‘i’ and an ‘e’ and someone has put him out of his misery.
That's right, Billie?s dead. He's gone on a permanent Billie Holiday ? from life. He died at his birthday party and is discovered by Bianca, lying on a sofa, lifeless. Must have been some party! Well, that's what the police want to know, and recriminations and investigations (but no congratulations) begin.
Craggy Carol is not best pleased, which to be fair, she shouldn?t be. She wants to know who to blame. She apparently seems like an ?unexploded bomb?, full of rage and confused emotions ? she's angry, she's grieving, she wants to know who did it! That said, she's as guilty as anyone as she was a nagging nagger who drove Billie away from her with her unique take on motherly love.
Certainly, no one would want ?bomb? Carol to go off in their face. But she gets up in a lot of different people?s faces next week. For example, she rages at Lauren, blaming her for Billie’s death, before hearing some unpleasant home truths. But was Lauren in some way involved?
And poor Peter. Ian?s gormless kid is falling for Whitney, but she's all torn up about dead Billie ? and it's hard for any lusty young man to play second fiddle to a corpse. Just ask anyone married to a Michael Jackson fanatic.
It seems that in death (but not in life), Billie is the centre of loads of drama, whereas really he was just another boring teen character no one cared about. His death is hardly up there with Dirty Den or even Wellard, is it? Yet we have to endure a whole week of recriminations, shouting and Carol being loopy.
It sounds like a pretty turgid week, all round. We can barely believe we’re saying this, but bring back Kat and Alfie! And strangely ageless Joe from This Life!
All is forgiven!
At least a few things happened this week. But is it just us, or has Eastenders stopped cutting between the lives of all of the characters and started just focusing in 80% of the time on one story, all week long? If you don't like the characters involved, it can be pretty boring.
The only good spoiler about next week?s Eastenders is that they are finally acknowledging the existence of social media ? with the hilariously named Matesgate, which will play a role in both the aftermath of Billie?s death and the Billy/care home abuse storyline.
As ever, Eastenders is ahead of the curve!