The Dumb Things Celebrities Do to Stay Young

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Thanks to leeches, Demi Moore looks youngIt’s not easy being good-looking and famous. We slam celebrities for being superficial, yet we criticize them for looking older and less attractive. It’s no wonder the rich and famous are constantly on the hunt for the fountain of youth; I don’t blame ‘em. But you have to draw a line somewhere, and personally, I draw it at live leeches on my face. But you know who doesn’t? Demi Moore.

Yup, Demi uses live leeches to detox her blood and stay young. If that’s not crazy enough for you, here are some of the most ridiculous regimens celebs use to in an everlasting quest to beat the biological clock.

Victoria Beckham

Victoria Beckham Rubs Bird Shit on her face

It’s no surprise that Victoria Beckham wants to stay young and good-looking. She’s got one of the most coveted men in the world—you gotta keep up with that. So how does Victoria keep wrinkles and age spots away? By getting shit-faced. No, really. She uses a face cream that’s made from bird shit. They call it “nightingale” poop, so it’s not like they’re scraping the droppings off of car windshields, but come on. Bird shit is bird shit. It’s supposed to be a miracle cream. I’m guessing the miracle is they actually get people to spend £135 on it.

Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon eats baby food

You ever look at the green crap in a baby food jar and wonder how it tastes? Me neither. But apparently, that’s the difference between Reese Witherspoon and us. She supposedly chows down on baby food in place of a meal. This is according to The Sun, who report that Reese eats only baby food “along with at least one grown up meal a day.”

Christie Brinkley

Christie Brinkley is still hot

She looks damn good, so maybe this one is so ridiculous, that it just might work. Brinkley apparently rubs cat litter on her thighs in an attempt to prevent cellulite.

Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria Placenta face

Some people drink lots of water to keep skin looking fresh—Eva Longoria uses placenta. Yup, the actress uses a weird cream that includes placental protein. It’s supposed to improve skin texture and reduce wrinkles. Sounds great, except for the whole afterbirth thing.

Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes uses snake poison

Katie uses a face cream called Rodial’s Glamoxy Snake Serum. Catchy name, huh? Nope. It’s actual snake serum, made from the venom of snakes. It paralyzes the muscles in the face, essentially poisoning your way to youthful looks.

Teri HatcherTeri Hatcher bathes in wine

Probably the only one of these regimens that sounds remotely fun, Teri Hatcher has admitted to bathing in wine:

“Wine has a natural skin softener and exfoliant in it. It just makes you feel luxurious,” she told AOL.

Nicholas Cage

Nicolas Cage is just plain nuts

This one isn’t necessarily a youth regimen, but it’s just weird enough to add to the list. Nicholas Cage doesn’t eat pork, which isn’t that unusual. But it’s the reason why he doesn’t eat pork that’s weird: he doesn’t appreciate the way pigs fuck.

“I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds,” he told U.K.’s The Sun. “But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.”

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