News just in: Brian Dowling is no longer leeching his entire TV career from Big Brother. Instead, he is now saving time by hooking himself to a drip and having Big Brother pumped into his lower digestive tract.
This is in light of the news today that himself and Emma ?My leather jacket subtly implies I enjoy rock music? Willis are to be it's new presenters when it is re-launched on Channel 5 later this year. ?Hurrah?.
And in further boring news, Emma Willis has also announced today that she had sex with Matt Willis again, and is now pregnant as a result of that. All together now! ?MAYBE DAVINA WILL LEND HER ?THE BIG MUTHA? T-SHIRT!? Ha. Very clever, everyone. Anyway, it's a moot point because she absolutely won't. Unless she's a dick. Unless Davina McCall is a dick…
But enough of these crazy, unrealistic hypothetical situations!
As for Brian and his large face, he said of the news:
?It is 10 years since I won Big Brother so what better way to celebrate and mark that anniversary than to be asked to host the new series??
We don't know, Brian. Put in the same situation we would probably use this as an opportunity to move on with our lives and/or buy a new stove.
However, in these harsh times we desolate job-seekers live in, beggars can't be choosers. Especially for a man who's CV currently reads out like this:
AIR STEWARD
WINNER OF BIG BROTHER
CO-HOST OF THE ELLE STYLE AWARDS 2002
JIM DAVIDSON HOMOPHOBIA VICTIM
WINNER OF A DIFFERENT BIG BROTHER
So there you have it. Two people you don't like are going to be hosting a program you don't like. A Channel 5 version of the programme you don't like, no less.
Who says Christmas has to be four months away?
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