The tabloids were given a week off from having to rely on stoking anger and intolerance, and got to devote half of their pages to the new Coalition Party Announcement that Wills and Kate are planning to marry in a symbolic act to support unpopular economic policies.
Yes, David Cameron is hoping that Prince William?s marriage will give him a head-of-state makeover, a look pioneered by Tony Blair following the death of Diana.
Cameron quickly announced that the wedding date will be a bank holiday, which means that millions of people will still be able to not give a shit about people they don't know, but in their own time. Which is jolly nice. It certainly puts all that icky stuff like war and poverty into perspective.
Thursday?s Sun featured John Lydon explaining that although he used to dislike what the the Royals stood for, Wills and Kate seemed terribly nice and that Diana was the embodiment of anti-establishment rebellion. What with Germaine Greer passionately endorsing Page 3, there was a clear message in the paper that it turned out the mainstream had been right all the time and any previous counter-culture was just silly youthful bleating that could now be safely ignored.
Oh well, tits and weddings are better than bread and circuses by our reckoning.
It wasn?t all punky smells and wedding bells. Last week?s ?thing that we are supposed to be getting all angry about? was poppy burning. Grrrr, those poppy burners made us so angry, with their lighting of small pieces of paper that they've had to make a charitable donation for.
In fact per square inch they're an incredibly expensive protest device. No wonder the country is so embittered when the Royal Family, extremists and student rioters are so wasteful during these financially difficult times. The Lib Dem headquarters would have contained far cheaper furniture for the university-fees protesters.
Of course it was the symbolism of poppy-burning rather than expense that inspired the public ire. There's something amusing about people getting ineffectively infuriated about a non-event that would only end if the same people stopped giving a damn about it. It is proof that stopping a tasteless act that offends you is not as much fun as being a bit cross about it. The whole thing is probably ironic. We?d have to check with some kind of impartial irony expert. Stephen Fry would know.
What was certainly ironic was a childrens? retailer offending people as a direct result of a business decision made purely to limit offence. The Early Learning Centre were on the end of the tabloid-reading public?s insatiable appetite for ?political correctness? stories when they removed the pig from their farmyard sets in case it upset the religions that took their teachings from Samuel L Jackson?s non-swine digging character in Pulp Fiction.
The person interviewed by Thursday?s Sun upped the political-correctness-gone-mad danger rating from mad to ?loopy?. This was the most mad political correctness had gone since someone, somewhere heard that you couldn't call them man-holes anymore for fear of offending hermaphrodites. Right we’re off to the hairdressers to get that must-have haircut of the season- the ‘naughty protestor’.
This article has been approved by feminist intellectuals.
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