The Daily Mail was enjoying its moment in the sun this week as the originators of a genuine ?internet phenomenon?- the cigar guy snapped at the Ryder Cup by one of their own photographers. Yep, it took a week off from articles about suicide websites, and middle class houses being destroyed by Facebook-alerted gatecrashers, to decide this technology thing might be a bloody good wheeze after all.
What isn't fun at all though are drugs. Especially when taken by successful hard-working people.
After Nigel Kennedy?s recent admittance to smoking marijuana the Mail?s comment section, whilst discussing children selling drugs at school, put the blame on celebrities such as ?classical music?s self-styled bad-boy?. Only in Mailworld is a 53 year-old classical violinist a corrupting influence on the youth of today.
A man whose contribution to his ?bad-boy? image up until that point started and ended with spiky hair and a ridiculous accent. That James Dean- he's got a lot to answer for as well. And don't get us started on that Thomas Beckett. Bloody turbulent priest, someone should do something about him. Maybe that Tony Martin fella that shot the burglar a few years back?
The Star scraped the bucket on Tuesday when they published a grainy picture of what could have frankly been Coleen and Wayne Rooney look-a-likes with the headline ?Coleen?s New Hooker Agony?.
What had Wayne done this time? Been found handcuffed to a four-poster bed whilst being flogged naked with vuvuzelas by geisha girls? No, Coleen?s agony was caused by being ?surrounded by hookers? on the ?second honeymoon?. By ?surrounded by hookers?, what the Star actually meant is ?in Prague which happens to have a lot of prostitutes in it?, and by ?second honeymoon? what they meant was ?Coleen?s work assignment which Wayne tagged along to?.
The big entertainment story was of course Gamugate. To summarise for those that like their news being about things of vague importance- X-factor contestant Gamu Nhengu was kicked off the show, and later in the week was facing possible deportation.
Tuesday?s Sun did extensive research and told us the story using the international measurement for outrage- Facebook group members (127?000 and rising). The Mail covered the story on Tuesday, giving voice to fans who considered the decision racist in light of doubts over Gamu?s immigration status.
Perhaps ?giving voice? is generous since it was more ?giving Neandertal grunting noise?.
The Mail made the Sun?s counting of Facebook group members look positively investigative- they just copied and pasted comments; ?Is it just me or is racism still alive? said one idiot in a poignant outburst that shames us all. ?Cheryl is so daft. I mean, just because Africa gave you malaria doesn't mean you should take it out on poor Gamu? was another fantastic accusation.
Perhaps Ashley Cole could have been given a tenth chance to save their marriage if his blackness hadn?t been a constant reminder of her nemesis- the continent of Africa.
Meanwhile on page 17- ?An Extra 139,000 migrants in UK jobs?.
On Wednesday their coverage continued, focusing on whether she might be deported. And again, on good old page 17 ? ?Official figures reveal full impact on migrant flux?. Having read further though, the official figures had not been confirmed as Facebook group so couldn't be considered reliable.