We think the Countdown presenting chair might be cursed – Countdown, the letters and numbers gameshow of choice for lazy arseholes everywhere, is about to get its third presenter in 18 months, in the form of grinning elderly satsuma Des O'Connor.
Des O'Connor will start filming Countdown at the start of next year, but he needs to be careful he doesn't go the same way as all the other Countdown presenters; like Des Lynam, who decided that getting to see Carol Vorderman dressed in clothes that she'd seemingly mugged off a teenager wasn't really worth the drive from Sussex to Leeds, and Richard Whiteley, who somehow died after presenting Countdown for 23 years. Countdown producers are hoping that Des O'Connor will be a genuine long-term replacement for Whiteley. Des O'Connor is 74 years old. With all the will in the world, we think we can see a flaw in their plan.
For a daytime quiz show about anagrams that's only really watched by the elderly and hilariously wacky students who watch it ironically – but secretly resent that they've never made more than a four-letter word – when Countdown gets a new presenter, it's an awfully high-profile piece of news. We're talking hecklerspray betting odds high-profile, too. We're not sure why, either, as weirdly addictive as Countdown can be, it's on at the same time as Castle In The Country, and there probably wouldn't be such a fuss made if Nikki Chapman suddenly died and they needed to replace her.
Perhaps it's because the spirit of Countdown itself changes every time it gets a new presenter. Before Richard Whitely died Countdown was an endearing conveyor belt of bumbling well-meaning confusion, but when Des Lynam took over it became something else; a slicker show propelled by Lynam's terrifyingly raw sexuality and – as pointed out in one particularly hilarious edition – freakish physical similarity to a bedding plant someone found in their garden.
But now that Des Lynam has decided to quit Countdown – ostensibly because of the long commute, although why he didn't tell the truth and admit "If I had to listen to one more dull as shit Rick Fucking Wakeman anecdote I'd have chopped my arsing balls off" is beyond us – yet another replacement had to be found. And the Countdown team found it in Des O'Connor, as BBC News reports:
The 74-year-old will take over at the start of next year and replaces Des Lynam, who has decided to step down after less than 18 months in charge. O'Connor said he had "just spent a fun day" with the production team in Leeds and described co-star Carol Vorderman – who will stay on – as "a delight"… Vorderman, 45, said O'Connor had so much energy and enthusiasm that "he leaves the rest of us exhausted". "I'm really looking forward to a new year with a new Des," she said, adding that their day together recently had "just felt right and comfortable".
Even though he's the same age as Johnny Cash, Sylvia Plath and Donald Rumsfeld, it's hard to see how a gentle words and number game like Countdown will contain the energy of Des O'Connor, who made his name hosting high-speed gaudy brainless money-throwing contests like Take Your Pick. Perhaps O'Connor's Countdown arrival will mean that he's ready to start slowing down, or maybe it'll finally signal the start of the oft-prophesied (by weirdos) Vorderman Golden Bikini years. Either way, now that Des O'Connor is the new Countdown presenter there'll have to be an expensive set redesign; the current purple background is going to clash awfully with Des O'Connor's pulsating radioactive skin.
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