As our picture, right, shows, Demi Moore’s breasts loomed large in the marriage between the actress and Ashton Kutcher (currently of no-fixed talent). They were there. Hovering. Rock hard.
Of course, this is based on having been unfortunate enough to have seen them in Striptease (so bad it’s not even camp). Those surgeon’s butcheries have scarred our retinas, but at least we didn’t have to live with them, like Kutcher did.
And what with Kutcher being roughly as smart as a bong water, he figured that – if you believe the rumours and reports – instead of recognising a problem and dealing with it in a manner which suits everyone concerned, he’d much rather thumb his flaccid member into a 23 year old on the eve of his wedding anniversary. Surprisingly, divorce is in the air.
According to numerous reports, Demi has got in contact with a divorce lawyer, which means that – presumably – Ashton Kutcher did stick his long, nobbly thing into someone that wasn’t her.
Right?
Presumably, she’s also weighing up divorcing her gravity-defying bangers and looking at photographs of Kutcher’s affairee Sara Leal, to see what hers are like.
Last night an entertainment industry insider said:
“Miss Moore has been totally humiliated. On Friday, therefore, she consulted a lawyer about getting a divorce.”
‘The discussion included her living arrangements and how a divorce would impact her assets. She is worth about ?97?million and Kutcher is also worth close to that.”
Assets? Is that boob code?
The source continued:
“She desperately wanted to save their marriage, but the Sara Leal story was a hard one for Kutcher to deny because it was backed up by the seedy photos of him partying.”
Of course, the real reason that this divorce is due, is thanks to the fact that Demi and Ashton went for Kabbalah counselling sessions which is obviously about as much use as a fireguard made of internet.
Idiots.
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