Dennis Rodman: World Ambassador or Delusional Jackass

dennis-rodman-1So retired basketball player Dennis Rodman, the supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un, and the new pope walk into a bar … 

That could be the beginning of a truly terrible joke, or, in the delusional mind of Dennis Rodman, a perfectly plausible scenario. Most people under 30 probably have no clue who Dennis is, so allow me to fill you in.

He’s the handsome devil in the photo to the right, Dennis “The Worm” Rodman, NBA Hall-of-Famer, 5-time National Championship team member, he of the sometimes rainbow-striped hair, the former Mr. Carmen Electra, and current BFF of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. It’s a bizarre resume to say the least.

Until recently, Dennis had more or less dropped out of the limelight, popping up occasionally for stints on illustrious shows like Celebrity Apprentice, Celebrity Rehab, and even Celebrity Wrestling. Then, in February, he made headlines for visiting North Korea and palling around with lil’ Kim. And just as his jet lag from that trip wore off, Dennis shoots off on an important mission to Vatican City (or Rome anyway).

Dennis’ plans when in Rome aren’t clear. He says that he wants to sit down with the new pope, though I suspect that once the pope is elected, he’s going to have some things to do that may supercede meeting fucking Dennis Rodman. But who knows. According to the Associated Press, Dennis is in Rome specifically to campaign for Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana to be elected pope. (I wonder if he realizes that his vote doesn’t count.) (Is Dennis even Catholic, by the way?)

TMZ caught up with Dennis at the airport before he left for Rome and Dennis shared his feelings about his current status as a World Ambassador.

“I’m doing all these great historical things now. … People cannot believe it’s Dennis Rodman. Not, like, Madonna, Oprah, anybody like that.”

Because God knows Madonna would be an awesome representative to the Vatican. When the TMZ reporter asked Dennis to name his favorite pope, Dennis gave quite possibly the best response imaginable:

“John Paul II. He was cool as hell. He pretty much was like a pimp. Speaking twenty thousand different languages and people just throwing their lives to him.”

Dennis’ trip to Rome follows on the heels of his misguided diplomatic mission to North Korea, where he shot the shit with Communist leader Kim Jong-un. Shortly afterwards, North Korea renewed its nuclear tests, and earlier this week nullified a 60-year-old armistice between itself and South Korea. But it’s all nonsense according to Dennis Rodman. (Seriously, why does the U.S. need John Kerry if we have Dennis Rodman?) According to Dennis, Kim doesn’t want a war; he just wants Obama to ring him up. That’s all. Just a quick call to show he cares. Kim may be guilty of horrifying human rights violations, but he has feelings too.

Dennis, perhaps a better man than all of us, is able to overlook Kim’s shortcomings.

“I don’t condone what he does, but he’s my friend.”

It’s heartwarming, really. While in North Korea, Dennis tweeted:

“I’m not a politician. Kim Jung Un & North Korean people are basketball fans. I love everyone. Period. End of story.”

But it’s not period, end of story, my dear. Perhaps you’re too fucking stupid to comprehend the atrocities perpetrated by that nation’s leadership, but maybe you should recognize and respect the path chosen by your own country’s leadership. It’s not perfect, not by a long shot, but it’s ever so slightly more reasonable than that of fucking North Korea. Loving everyone is nice, but there’s a bit more to it.

Dennis says that he will return to North Korea in August for a quick end-of-summer trip with Kim. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Maybe a long weekend, just the two of them … but who knows what Dennis’ schedule will look like this far in advance? He might be busy advising the new pope, collecting his Nobel Peace Prize, or caring for the new Royal baby.

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