I honestly don't know why people want to know the goings-on of the third placed contestant of a rubbish talent show that aired nine years ago, but in case anyone is bothered, Darius Danesh (or whatever he’s called now) nearly died at the weekend.
Nearly died. Not ?actually? died. Not ?suffered irreparable damage to his larynx?. Not ?hilariously squashed his winky in a car door and now has to make an agonising decision to either have it removed and live like a girl for the rest of his life or to simply try and refashion the lumpen remains into vaguely the right shape with offcuts of meat and hairnets. No, he ?nearly died?. Which basically means he's nothing, and he's fine, and you might as well stop reading now, unless you have some kind of sick perversion which compels you to find out the exact circumstances behind the accident of every twelfth-rate celebrity with over inflated senses of entitlement.
Seriously, there's no death, no amusing dismemberment, and Jedward weren't even in the same car to suffer a fatal hairdo related injury. There is so little point in continuing.
For both of you left, apparently he barreled into a wall at 70mph when he was in Spain. Seriously, people die every day from choking on biscuits and falling down the stairs because they have put both legs into one side of a pair of trousers. And he can survive an accident that killed James Dean? What the hell. Something is seriously wrong with the world. Anyway, as Digitalspy reports (with a marked lack of futilely beseeching to an uncaring god about the unfairness of it all):
(The nurse said,) ‘Three millimetres this way, you no walk; three millimetres that way, you dead.’ It was like how you’d talk to a baby, but I knew what she was trying to say. The 30-year-old, who suffered the injury on a “lads’ driving holiday” in Spain, said that the incident was caused by an oil spillage in the middle of the road. He said: “Because of the haze, we didn’t see that there was a diesel spill on the road. Before we could work out what was going on, it was already too late.
He even saw the haze and carried on at the same speed anyway. Probably raising his fist in defiance at the powerlessness of the universe to kill him. Three millimetres though? That’s pretty galling. Surely if he’d just sped up a couple of miles per hour, or if he’d acted like a regular person on seeing a mysterious, gaseous,? haze above the road then this article would actually be about something, instead of about 500 words on the fact that someone you’d forgotten about had a non-fatal, non-amusing accident by driving about like a tossbag. Would it have been too much to ask?
Anyway, on the plus side he did get a broken neck, so at least that's something. Even if it is going to ?heal? and he?ll be ?fine? and all that nonsense.
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