Once upon a time, rock stars had to do outlandish things to get noticed. David Bowie pretended to be from space and had sex with Iggy Pop. Led Zep were rumoured to stick fish up lady’s front bottoms and Fleetwood Mac blew coke up each other’s arses when their noses were too hammered and frail. Let’s not talk about GG Allin. And now, just to prove that rock really is as dead and dull and Nana Mouskouri’s knicker drawer, Damon Albarn has managed to cause small outrage with a single, legally bought in a shop cigarette.
Yessir, the Gorillaz honcho could apparently be in ‘big trouble’ after lighting a cigarette, which can be bought by any tall 15 year old with enough confidence to try buying them, whilst performing on stage.
The Blur warbler was performing with his cartoon band Gorillaz when he sparked up mid-way through a live set at a gig in Portsmouth. But you can’t smoke in this particular venue and… well… it’s likely Albarn absent mindedly did it as opposed to sticking a fist up, Wolfie Smith style and saying “Fuck the nanny state!”
It’s pretty likely that no-one in the audience really noticed either because, y’know, it’s not like he got his dick out, slap it a bit to find a vein to stick a manky needle in and then passed out, smacked up is it? That’s not stopped people from being ‘outraged’ though.
Albarn could be fined up to ?2,500 after anti-smoking campaigners were ‘outraged’ by his wild, brutal, insane actions.
Idiots at Action on Smoking and Health are calling for Albarn and guest performer Paul Simonon, who also smoked the cigarette to be punished.
A source told The Daily Mirror:
“There can be no excuse for that as it is an indoor place and the law is very clear – we are not allowed to smoke on stage unless it’s relevant to the act.”
Oooooh!
“They should be fined. It’s not just the artist, it’s the premises where the act is held. I would expect the local authority to take the appropriate action.”
Jesus wept. Some people really are joyless c*nts aren’t they?
They added:
“It’s not just illegal but more importantly it’s about the message it sends out to fans. People in the public eye have a duty not to promote smoking. It’s very irresponsible?”
Imagine if these people had been around in the sixties. They would have been found crying in UFO/Haight-Ashbury wagging their fingers at people rolling reefers and saying:
“You think you’re expanding your mind now… but what about the hidden dangers of carcinogens in smoke? Didn’t think about that did you? Hmm? Are you listening to me? No, I don’t understand what you mean when you talk about the infinite capabilities of the human soul when traversing through a fourth dimensional universal platform. Harshing what vibe?”
Anyway, there’s nothing to get worked up about here. Someone smoked a fag. Next week: Lobbyists sit outside public house tutting.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter