Phat and Small.

Folded:

• Terminator Salvation (worse than hoped, better than expected)
• Farmers (about the only people doing great during this recession. Why? Because of the weak pound we have to buy our produce over here, that’s why)
• Outrun Online Arcade, downloadable for PSN and Xbox LIVE (more fun than cheating at your exams)
• We Are the People by Empire of the Sun (calming in a really cool, just drunk kind of way)
• Moon Bloodgood (see Terminator Salvation. Wow…just WOW)

Creased:

• Bank holiday drinkers (why not drink on the Sunday instead? You have Monday off, not Tuesday. Cretins)
• Printers (if they’re not spewing out blank paper, they’re claiming the new black ink cartridge you just bought a week ago is ‘empty’. Smash ‘em all)
• Let’s Get Excited by Alesha (let’s listen to the biggest album track of all time)
• A new, pre-loaded with 15 games Sega Mega Drive for £40 (apparently it’s as tough as Styrofoam. Just buy an original for ten quid off eBay)
• Wheelchair woes (consider yourself blessed if you never need one. Shoppers will dive out of the way for a chav kid in pushchair, but curse with scorn those have don’t have the ability to use their legs)