It must be awful when you've become so fat, so disgustingly obese, so very massive that you have you're own blood group and that blood group is Rocky Road.
So absurdly gargantuan that the only way to way to lose weight is resort to some serious cosmetic surgery that sucks out all the little fat babies that Domino?s Pizza lay inside you and sends them to lipid Heaven.
Sounds horrible doesn't it?
Well this is how Craig Revel Horwood, the strategically nasty Judge of Strictly Come Dancing and not much else fame is feeling every single day.
The poor man. The poor, stupidly affluent man.
After years of eating pies and living with a silver shovel in his mouth, Revel Horwood, or Super Rev if we were to believe what he tells us, has managed to not spend money on Refresher bars and gobstoppers long enough to save up ?3,000 for the surgery, and a further ?6,000 for the crane to carry him in and out of the hospital.
The Strictly star complained of uncomfortable chest pains and agreed to have the surgery before realising that this was how everyone felt when they saw Nancy Dell?olio for the first time.
?I couldn't cha-cha-cha about without them jiggling in my face. I was fed up with having tits so I had them hoovered away and now I feel fabulous.?
Poor Craig Revel Horwood not being able to cha-cha-cha when he wants to. He's such a trooper.