Remember the old music teacher at school calling you a fat useless shit who’d amount to nothing? As you tried to get those chubby fingers of yours around the holes in the recorder, the evil teacher cackled as you ran out of breath and collapsed on the floor through failing to utter a single note.
Times have changed. Granted, you may be obese through to an addiction of Ginsters pasties, but that doesn’t matter. Back in the old days you may have had no musical ability, but all that has changed due to the creation of Guitar Hero. You can almost be as good as Slash as you press a few coloured buttons in time to the ones on the screen. Now sodden Coldplay have only donated a couple of songs. Preaching about the environment is optional.
Guitar Hero is a stroke of genius. It’s the only time you’d get to be a rockstar. Minus the drugs, drink, groupies, sex orgies, wild hotel antics and er… the live experience of performing to 30,000 screaming fans who want your babies.
Has the game inspired a new generation of musicians? We bloody hope not, because we are suffering enough with wet bands like The Kooks, The Feeling, Scouting For Girls and The Hoosiers. At least The Red Hot Chilli Peppers had the decency to bugger off for a year.
The most rock n roll thing you can actually do with the game is smash the controller up. Granted it cost around £40/50 but would you do the same to a £1000 guitar? If you had any sense, you probably wouldn’t. But then again we don’t know you. With clone versions of the game spawning other instruments, you can have your own virtual band! We recommend having real arguments to make it a bit more true to life. Isolating the drummer or firing the singer just before a virtual gig will get the fireworks going.
So with high profile bands featuring The Ramones and Deep Purple you’d think any expansion pack would carry on this vibe. Sadly not, the publishers have gone for a weedier down tempo vibe with Coldplay. They must have a new album to promote or something. If song was bad enough to make you cry, how will you cope knowing there are three tracks used altogether?
“Included in the pack will be new single ‘Violent Hill’, classic track ‘Yellow’ and the high-octane ‘God Put a Smile Upon Your Face.”
Hecklerspray won’t stand for this. So much so that we are zipping up our trousers and refusing to rock out with our cocks out.
Read More:
Coldplay To Release ‘Guitar Hero’ Tracks – Digital Spy