Many of the UK’s “press outlets” have been reporting the reunion of Cheryl “Beat up a woman in a toilet” Cole and Ashley “shot a work experience kid with an air gun” Cole today.?This is, to the tabloids, a moment on par with the a renunion of Big Ears from Noddy & the ‘Queen of Hearts’. To readers of The Sun, that’s pretty much what this is.
Of course, hecklerspray would be remiss in its duty as the last bastion of celebrity “commentators” if we didn’t scream our glassy-eyed opinion straight down the smoking barrel of the internet straight into the faces of people who either adore the couple on a level that is painful and embarrassing or hate them in equal measure. You might be wondering what our collective opinion of the couple is; wonder on readers. Wonder on.
With newspaper reports suggesting that Cheryl will walk down the aisle with Ashley once again, speculation has surfaced as to what their intentions are.
With Cheryl’s embarrassing, potentially career harming and fundamentally random removal from the X Factor USA judging panel has seen her profile slip slightly and as for Cashley (sorry… Ashley), the last time he made it into a glossy magazine it was when rumours abounded the last time they were supposed to be getting back together.
Subsequently, more rumours about the couple have surfaced revealing that they want to start a family within the next two years as well as an interview with Mister Cole claiming that people should judge him as a footballer and not on the spurious stories about his private life. That is the sign of a man who would love people to care enough about him to read the spurious reports about his private life.
According to the?Sun, the couple, who reportedly spent the whole weekend together, have told friends of their plans to be pregnant between now and 2013.?However, it appears as though Cheryl and Ashley are the only ones who are excited about their new(ish) life together after Cheryl’s mum and Girls Aloud band mates, Nicole Roberts and Kimberly Walsh, expressed their reservations.
A source, invented by the tabloids to shift more of their terrible rags, revealed:
“Cheryl’s bloody-minded and has made her decision. Her pals have told her, but she’s been stubborn. She just wants to be happy again.”
Here at hecklerspray, we can’t wait to hear that Cheryl’s pregnant- there’s nothing we like more than picking on a pregnant woman- but perhaps Ashley will suggest they use a surrogate mother that he ‘prepared earlier’?