Cheryl Cole and Cheryl Tweedy. Two completely different women. Cheryl Cole is a glamorous millionaire pop star.
Cheryl Tweedy beats up black cleaners in toilets. Cheryl Cole is a beloved judge on the country’s most-watched singing competition. Cheryl Tweedy beats up black cleaners in toilets. Cheryl Cole has a number of lucrative endorsement deals and is teetering on the brink of breaking America. Cheryl Tweedy beats up black cleaners in toilets.
Now that she’s fully divorced, Cheryl Cole has decided that she wants to be known as Cheryl Tweedy again from now on. What we’re basically saying is that if you’re a black cleaner, you should probably invest in some mace or a truncheon or something.
Now that they’re divorced, Cheryl and Ashley Cole are free to do whatever they want with their lives. For Ashley Cole, this means he can drunkenly vomit in the face of as many sexual partners as he pleases without fear of reprisal. But for Cheryl Cole, it means something else. That’s right, Cheryl Cole is dead. Well not dead, but she’s changed her identity. Well, she hasn’t changed her identity, but her surname is slightly different. That’s essentially the crux of this entire story – Cheryl Cole’s surname is slightly different.
According to reports, Simon Cowell has started to introduce Cheryl in X Factor auditions using her maiden name. The Sun reports:
At Monday’s London auditions, Simon jumped the gun and introduced her by saying: “And this is Cheryl . . . Tweedy.” A witness said the audience were “stunned”, adding: “Cheryl’s face didn’t give much away. Simon was sort of joshing but she didn’t laugh or look annoyed.”
And Cheryl Cole – sorry, Cheryl Tweedy – is serious about the name-change. Not only will she be referred to as Cheryl Tweedy from now on, but she’s also having a ‘Mrs C’ tattoo lasered off her neck and every single advert, poster, TV show and CD bearing the name Cheryl Cole will be seized by authorities and burnt. What? That last bit is simply a perverse wish-fulfilment fantasy on our part? That’s a disappointment.
Still, good luck with the name-change, Cheryl. We’re sure that, with hard work and an expensive publicity campaign behind you, it’s going to be at least as successful as when Mel B changed her name to Mel G for about a fortnight in 1998 once.
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