Okay. Hands up. Who’s missed Cheryl Cole? Hello? Did you hear us? Why can we hear tendons snapping? Well – erm – YOU’RE IN LUCK!
For that X Factor Expert and all round amazing woman what is good at chatting to people on strange curved sofas that don’t exist anywhere except post-watershed Channel 4 programmes has ‘reportedly’ (and Jesus Christ, we use that term lightly, this story was pulled from Star Magazine, where half the office are frequented by Nick Hardman’s idea of what women look like, and the rest: Frogs) agreed to be the face of a new late night chat show, like that time they did it with Charlotte Church, as part of the What To Do With Down to Earth Welsh People Scheme of 2006.
Anyway, the consensus seems to be it’s going to be a show kind of on the same lines.
Provisionally titled (Re: grasping wildly in the dark) ‘Late Night With Cheryl’, the show is promised by Mr T.V Insider:
‘They know she’ll be a massive ratings winner and is the perfect fit to pull in amazing guests.’
Well that’s put our mind at rest. FOREVER. And this ‘amazing guests’ thing – Graham Norton’s going to be kicking himself later. ?So, yeah. This is happening apparently. Alongside that film career?(WHAT? Don’t get upset at us, we didn’t do it!) she’s apparently having this year too, as it is paramount to heave multitudes of success on The Woman With Cheekbones and how brilliant it is that she has cheekbones, and how she should ultimately just have everything she wants time and time over until we can begin to try and fathom a world where a Geordie accent comes out of shiny haired people with teeth.
TEETH.
So there you go. Another one of those Balls of Fury/Rudetube dimly lit viral shows about hashtagging and pictures of celebrities is on it’s merry way to us, probably-not-really, with the crucial?ingredient?of Cheryl Cole’s wry voiceover FINALLY sought at last. We’re sure it’ll be like the dimly lit viral chatshow about hashtagging and pictures of celebrities that Chris Morris never had.
Still it’s not going to be as bad as when Peaches Geldof did it, because humanity can only achieve so much, or wear so many brogues that we’re all going to stand around and take pictures of later in a satanic circle in Camden Market whilst saying things like, “Hey! Did you hear about that guy who married a pillow? Yeah, Shaznay reblogged it whilst I was touching her thigh last night listening to related artists of The Big Pink.’
Sorry, we were talking about something. ?Oh, it was Cheryl Cole wasn’t it? Maybe we should just stop talking.
Someone needs to get Oh My God Trampoline Guy an agent before this all gets out of hand.