Cher Had Awesome Sex With Women and Crazy Tom Cruise

cher-1There have been brief spells during Cher’s nearly seven decades on this Earth?… wrinkles in time, let’s say … when she?slips?away from the full frontal assault?of being the reigning gay/pop culture den mother and relaxes into her own private shit.

Tragic for us, probably healthy for her … but, inevitably, she garners her strength and pops back up?… full fucking force … and retakes control of the universe.

That’s?precisely what has happened in the last two weeks, in just two appearances. First, Cher performed on TV?for the first time?in 10 years on the season finale of The Voice, debuting her new single “Women’s World.” It was fine. She’s a fun performer to watch, even if you don’t care for her music. But then, last night, she was a guest?on “Watch What Happens Live” with Andy Cohen, and the world stood still.

On WWHL, Cher’s hair/wig was quite demure (particularly in contrast to how it looks in the photo below), but that?outfit was insane. She was insane. Feisty, good-humored, and?a fucking badass to the end.

The biggest revelations of the interview?were when she?divulged not only that she has been with a woman in the Biblical sense, but also, more shockingly,?that Tom Cruise ranks on her list of top five best lovers.

Let’s begin with the Tom Cruise thing. It’s startling for a number of?reasons. First, he’s clearly gay. Second, I would wager that he’s at least a few inches shorter than her, not accounting for her frequently enormous hairdoes …?but so was Sonny, so I guess that’s not a deal-breaker for her. Tom is also considerably younger than her … roughly, a lot of years younger. But mostly, what a fucking weird couple, right? She seems uninhibited and fun, and he seems like a colossal bore. Cher explained that Tom wasn’t a Scientologist yet when they were gettin’ down, and maybe that explains it right there.

When Andy asked her if?she’s done it with a woman, Cher’s response?was awesome:

“Oh God, who hasn’t [been with a woman]? Yeah.”

Poor Tom Cruise should have stuck with that one. Imagine if they had made it work and were growing old together? The world would be a different place.