When Charlie Sheen went mental, it was briefly hilarious. Basically, he rambled on about tiger blood and being made of win like a man babbling nonsense shortly before his death. It was a glorious and gruesome spectacle for us blood-baying dimwits.
And then he went and spoiled it all by straightening himself out, going on tour and getting dumped by his two live-in girlfriends.
Gone was the chandelier punching, the suitcases of cocaine, the heart-pills and rock-eyed lunacy. ALL IS NOT LOST THOUGH! That’s because Sheeno’s ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has taken up the slack and gone drug-mental in his place!
Sadly for Brooke, she’s sorely lacking in catchphrases, so this story isn’t nearly as funny as Sheen’s. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to laugh though.
So what’s the rub?
Well, Brooke was arrested over the weekend in a nightclub on suspicion of assault and possession of cocaine with intent to distribute.
Get that? Sheen is clearly not paying her enough child-support money if she’s dealing coke. Sorry. We should rephrase that. Sheen clearly not dropping nuclear truth bombs of money into Brooke’s pocket of lose. WINNING. Tiger bl… oh forget it.
Reports say that Aspen Police Department officers were doing a routine walk-through at Belly Up Aspen when a woman reported that an assault had taken place. Police said a woman identified the culprit as Mueller and the police found her at the dance club Escobar.
She was probably having a nice dance to Pitbull or something.
The police say that Mueller faces a class-four felony charge of possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, and third-degree assault, a class-one misdemeanour. No. That means absolutely nothing to us either, but from what we can glean, it sounds like a really fun spectator sport.
A police spokesperson said…
?She’s obviously a person who attracts a lot of media attention, and we will handle this case just like we handle all cases… she’ll get treated like we treat everybody else.?
…to the press. That’s right, the press, who they usually talk to about all their cases. This is totally normal.
Mueller has form with this sort of this, having various stints in rehab, including time at an ?extreme? rehab program in Mexico earlier this year. She was also escorted off a flight after being described as ?belligerent.? Various reports alleged that she’d also been seen in a carpark with a crack-pipe and has also been trying to pawn jewelry for cash.
And yet, she still has custody of the twins. Just how awful a human must Charlie Sheen be if that’s the case?