Hey! What do you do when everyone’s stopped mockingly humouring you? If you’re Charlie Sheen, you continue babbling your gitspeak and start hanging around your ex and her crackpipe like that was the plan all along.
See, after trying to start some daft Shangri La, where he had two girlfriends at the same time (or goddesses as he demeaned dubbed them), it all fell about his ears when they realised what a massive ghoul he was.
And so, tail between his tottering legs, he started hanging around with his ex wife again, even though they had just got divorced. With no-one to go on holiday with, he thought he’d tap her up again because she’s just about the only person speaking to him currently (including his agent).
The couple decided that they’d have a nice time in Mexico, where the heroin is first rate. A veritable violent torpedo of romance you might say.
There, they booked the Presidential Suite which apparently costs $15,000 a night. Sheen presumably eyed up the chandelier and recalled the time when he first re-entered the public’s radar by beating one up while a young woman feared for her life while locked in a wardrobe.
At the swank hotel, they had a monkey butler and something oddly conceptual called an ‘infinity pool’, which is presumably perfect for drowning in.
The most boring source on Earth says of this ghoulish coupling:
“There were candles everywhere. They ate very healthy, local fish, salad, drank fruit juices. Charlie had arranged a chocolate molten cake with candles for dessert. It was beautiful.”
We can only hope they shared a needle of smack and fell into a loving coma for three days, before re-emerging to lovingly hold each other’s hair back while they puked up a pipe or two… because that’s more fun than what actually happened.
Boring shits.
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