Usually, we only serve to tell you about celebrity mishaps and insane behaviour. Yes, it may well be a rare thing, but occasionally, we report news that everyone can benefit from – but today is one of those days!
So break out the vintage fizzy pop as we proudly announce the retirement of Calvin Harris from the live circuit!
For us cynical moody gits, we've never been fans of Calvin Harris and his penchant for post-modern, ironic student-friendly dance music that seems perfectly made for annoying commercial radio.
This retirement of playing live fills us with more joy than the announcement of the royal wedding.
Are we being overly mean? No, of course not. Let us explain why we're right and you're wrong. In March, Harris released ‘I'm Not Alone.’
To your average drugged up clubber it might sound like one of those club stompers with its uplifting trance synth and all that – but hold on a minute! Haven?t we been here before with this sort of thing? Why yes we have! Going all the way back to 1995, we heard Faithless belt out ‘Insomnia.’
Only fifteen years late Calvin.
Then it comes to the lyrics. Granted, electronic music might not be at the forefront for memorable lyrics apart from ?lager lager lager? but even we can do better. ?I put on my shoes and I'm weekend? screeches some session singer, but we can do better if lyrics are being inspired by modern life.
We?d sing ?pick up our pint and we're ready to get hammered? or ?one large chicken kebab and a can of pop, please.? Okay, perhaps not.
Anyway NME.com report why Calvin Harris is jacking it in:
?I’m not a singer, I’m not trained. Taking it onto the stage in front of people was terrifying. I got much, much better at it but I never lost the terror. Looking after your voice on tour is such a priority and such a nightmare. If I had a night out the night before a show it’d be awful and I’d feel for the audience.?
Whilst we?d love to fully see the back of him, that eventuality hasn't fully happened. NME reports Calvin Harris as saying:
“I’m going to focus more on production and DJing and zero percent of my time will go on singing. I’ll do tracks with people who can sing well – proper artists, proper performers.”
People who can sing well? Guess he won't be collaborating with Dizzee Rascal anytime soon.
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