hecklerspray bought an entire box of turtles on eBay a few weeks back. When they got here we put the not-dead ones in the bathtub, where we're proud to say they're thriving on the soap scum and gnats that've really infested the thing 'til now.
That's what eBay's good for. You can find absolutely anything on there. For instance, if our budget wasn't already shot all to hell we'd have just bought the Britney Spears/Kevin Watchamacallit authentic wedding invitation that was posted on there so recently.
Don't get us wrong, we've still got the one she sent us, but it's been on the fridge so long the magnet melted to it. A newer one would've been very much appreciated.
There was a time when Britney Spears was good, true, and only married once before. All that changed on September 18, 2004, the fateful day she strolled the aisle with a very fertile Kevin Federline. Since then she's devolved considerably, typing out furious poems of hate, appearing in statue form with her kid's head sticking out her south side, and not writing hecklerspray almost non-stop about how could she let us slip through her fingers, and how while she's in the bathtub she likes to think of the turtles we surely must be raising alone by now. All alone.
Yes, at one time she seemed to have it all, and now many consider that all to have slipped away. The dividing line was said to be her more recent wedding – and you almost had a chance to own a piece of it. A fancy wedding invite and the gay candle you got at the door just got auctioned off on eBay for a hefty $2,150 to Goldenpalace.com – an internet casino best known for paying a really poor lady $10,000 to tattoo their company name right smack on her forehead. The eBay description reads (Grammatical error for grammatical error, mind you):
"This auctions is for the rare Britney Spears and Kevin Federline wedding invitation for their very secret wedding on September 18, 2004. Included in this auction is the bag inwhich the invite was delevered as well as a special note to those in the wedding. This is a great collectors item for those who adore Britney and want to have a rare collectors item. This also includes the a candle that was the actual wedding favor from the wedding. This is a rare find and sure to make any Britney Spears fan very excited."
The invite was sold by TMZ.com, which should probably invest a chunk of their earnings in a computerised spell check. TMZ.com claims it got the invitation from an invitee with "relations to the groom's family." A Federline relative hard up for money – boy, we didn't see that one coming. The fact that one from his side of things was willing to part with the memorabilia for money isn't too strange though, as friends of the Fed are said to sell stories of the couple fairly regularly.
Brit – you're a giant sack of money to him. He's no good for you, but we know several people who are – u$ us. When you're ready, we'££ we'll be here. Right by this grocery store ATM.
Read more:
Online casino gets invite to Britney Spears' wedding – Undercover
[story by Shawn Lindseth]