I warned you all this would happen. First, George Clooney gets engaged. Now, after NINE years of unwed bliss, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten married. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bomb shelter awaiting the end of life as we know it.
Okay, so technically deadly plagues and the oceans turning to blood are signs of the apocalypse, but it’s 2014, celebrities will dabble in anything these days. Look at the Illuminati. Tell Jennifer Aniston to avert her eyes because it’s official – one film, three out of six kids, and nine years later, the most genetically gifted couple in the world have got hitched.
Before you roll your eyes like you did the previous forty three times this story has surfaced, this time it’s actually been confirmed by a spokesman!
US Weekly are said to be devastated, they loved to slap rumours of their wedding on the front page whenever it’s a slow news week. Now they’ll have to dust off the old ’KIM – SAD, FAT, AND ALONE’ themed covers instead.
Despite their promise to wait until everyone in the US can marry the person they love, Brangelina got married in a low-key civil ceremony last weekend. As low-key as the wedding of two movie stars in the private chapel located in the 1000-acre grounds of their French chateau can be, anyway.
If you’re in to sickeningly cute mental images – and you’re reading such a fluffy and light website, so why wouldn’t you be? – Angelina was walked down the aisle by Pax and Maddox, Zahara and Vivienne threw petals, and Shiloh and Knox were ring bearers. I wonder which number is higher, the family’s net worth or the score you’d get from combining their names in Scrabble?
No photos as of yet, but here’s my prediction – Angelina in a plain long-sleeved gown, Brad with creepy facial hair obscuring that gorgeous face, plenty of black and white ‘candid’ shots of the family laughing at smiling at each other, all being sold to a high-end magazine to raise money for orphans in war-zones.
Congratulations, you irritatingly perfect pair of demi-gods.