It must be great to be married to a comedic actor.
You would always be rolling on the floor with laughter and your text messages would be constantly filled with zany LOLs and your knee would have a constant bruise from all that knee-slapping hilarity.
That is unless you’re Bill Murray‘s wife, in which case you’d be rolling on the floor after being clocked by your drunk, drugged up husband and you’d have non-hilarity induced bruises. Or at least, those are some of the things Bill Murray’s wife is saying led to her filing for divorce from Bill Murray just now.
Now what do we learn here, ladies? We learn that marrying a man for his stunning good-looks does not make for a lasting relationship.
Bill Murray has brought us many things over the years. He’s brought us movies about ghosts and busters and ghostbusters, and a bunch of other movies, but we really just remember him for Ghostbusters. He also brought many an unfortunate-looking funny men across the world hope in the ways of acquiring ladies like Andie McDowell and Scarlett Johansson.
According to Bill Murray’s wife of ten years, Jennifer Butler Murray, Bill Murray also brought chapters from the Charlie Sheen sex addiction and Dennis Rodman physical violence into their marriage, along with a little pot smoking and whatnot. According to court documents, Bill Murray’s wife cited the following reasons for wanting to divorce Bill Murray:
“…adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment.”
Bill Murray’s wife isn’t just mad that Bill Murray frequently abandoned her at grocery stores, public parks, parties, and the Oscars, but there are lots of juicy, sickening examples in the documents saying that Bill Murray:
“would often leave the state or country without telling [his wife]; travels overseas where he engaged in public and private altercations and sexual liaisons; hit her in the face and then told her she was ‘lucky he didn’t kill her.’ And left threatening voice messages on the home telephone which the minor children have heard.”
Surely, we’ll be hearing statements from Camp Bill pretty soon about how these allegations are false and how Bill Murray’s wife is actually the slimy twat in all of this. Actually, Bill Murray doesn’t have a publicist, or an agent, so maybe we’ll just get a slurred, belligerent voice mail from Bill Murray calling everyone stupid little pigs, confusing himself with Alec Baldwin, and confusing us with his kids.