Of course, it's easy to jump on the bandwagon driven by the kind of highbrow pipe-smoking women who find Big Brother to be totally beneath them and deride the show.
But sod that, Big Brother is magnificent, and once the abominable cockery of the first couple of weeks dies down, it tends to settle and become a fascinating study of just how far people will go for your approval.
Until then, we?ll just have to make do with the din of fourteen voices vying for camera time, and the one that looks like Beyonce undergoing five slutty outfit changes per day, as if she's presenting a whorish reimagining of the Oscars.
But who will win the thing? Let's start with the people who definitely won't.
Rachael (Beyonce), Caoimhe (pronounced ?Caoimhe?) and Ife (pronounced ?Ife?) can all forget it. If you're going to be a beautiful girl on Big Brother, the demanding public insists that you're either slightly brainless (Sophie Reade, last time), or a ladette (Kate Lawler, Series 3). Ife?s got some weird God stuff going on, Caoimhe has already committed the cardinal sin of embarking on a journey into higher education, and Rachael greeted each girl entering the house as if, just by being there, they were somehow challenging her beauty.? The dialling fingers will already be throbbing in anticipation for that one.
Another trait certain to send the baying mob into a chorus of getting you out is ‘being a little bit posh’. There has yet to be a plummy winner, although Freddie from last year might have fared slightly better had he not plummeted into a cartoon meltdown because Bea ? the world's most stressed out hippy ? wasn?t particularly keen to receive his darting hamster fingers and lingering tongue kisses. Hence, that's instant curtains for the toffs in the house, namely: Ben, Princess ?Sunshine?, and the one who is trying to pretend that she isn't posh by squatting in houses in Mayfair. Mayfair is still Mayfair, Shabby.
The three main character types that do tend to win are:
1. The everyman (Craig, Series 1; Cameron, Series 4).
2. The girl/boy next door (Kate, Series 3; Anthony, Series 6; Rachel, Series 9). Or…
3. Someone with the potential to go on a personal ‘journey’ in the house, by overcoming adversity or taking their first steps into adulthood (Brian, Series 2; Nadia, Series 5; Pete, Series 7; Brian, Series 8; Sophie, Series 10).
On that basis, Corin has no chance ? she's too old/tanned. Dave, the appalling Christian, is too at home with his kerr-aziness to tug the voter?s heartstrings And John James is just a little bit too Australian.
So that leaves girl-next-door Josie (Bristolian), ?the reticent Mole (Mario), the guy who makes up for his lack of legs by getting a new tatt every week (Steve), or the young homosexual lad, Govan. The smart money could be on the girl.
Oh, and Nathan won't win it, because we already totally hate him.
This was a guest blog by Josh Burt from the magnificent Interestment.
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