We’re cursed with the looming specter of Scientology casting a shadow over our every being. We’re all screwed, you know, in their eyes. We’re non believers. We won’t get saved when the apocalypse comes and aliens or whatever bizarro God Scientologists have comes down to judge us all.
But that’s okay, because ordinary people are fighting back against the scourge of Scientology in the only way they know how: rap music.
This brilliant piece of songmaking is the product of Titziano Lugli, a man with a name so good that you just want to take a couple of moments to roll it over with your tongue a few more times. Titziano Lugli. TITzyano LOOli. Titziano Lugli. TITzyanoh. LOOlee.
Okay, we’ve taken a moment there. I feel it was special.
Anyway Titz, as I like to call him, is a Los Angeles-based Italian producer and musician who was ex-communicated from Scientology in 2010. Presumably for having too filthy a first name to be part of any organised religion. So he’s lashed out against the craziest in the best way possible, which is rhyme and meter.
Scientology’s being toasted by a midget with a blowtorch
Pretender to the throne, he’s just a big-ass pain in the zorch….
Dave and his BFF little Tom
These half two men
Think they’re really the bomb
But I couldn’t take their shit no more
So I said “Fuck you” and walked out the door
Them be some of the fine lyrics which are going to break down the padded walls that Scientologist live inside and break them free. It’s like Moses and shit. You may be wondering what exactly a “zorch” is and why it can be such a pain there. It turns out that this isn’t just the anti-Scientologists being unable to think up a decent rhyme: it’s actually some Scientology lingo thrown in there as the ultimate fuck you to the church.
And just when you think that this can’t get more insane, you find out that actually there is basically a mention of Moses in there:
My name is Naz
You might not know who I am
But trust me, I’m sure DM
Is now shitting his pants
I was pimped out
Treated like a prostitute
I was used and abused
You really thought I was a fool
My integrity has got a price
That your creeps can’t buy
I won’t bend, I won’t break,
I will not hesitate to expose your plans
To the entire nation
Your population needs
Some serious emancipation
Personally, I feel this sort of medium should be used more often by whistleblowers. Who wants to hear a boring court testimony full of legal language, or an in-depth magazine piece, when you could have people taking to the stand in parachute pants and spitting rhymes?