Whoever said the Brits are a nation of moaners has definitely got our number. Always one for a whinge (though inevitably out of earshot of the intended victim), us islanders would grumble if we won a million quid on the lottery – ‘Collect the money myself? Are you mad?!‘
It comes then as no surprise that the Midsomer Murders style inhabitants of London’s Highgate suburb are having a good old moan about the Hollywood film crew that’s just taken up residence on the front lawn.
Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction sees the unwanted return of Sharon Stone (DVDs) as fuzz box flashing (so 90’s, darling) enchantress Catherine Tramell. She’s upped and relocated to the UK for more sticky shenanigans, thus taking the entire sequel’s production crew with her.
"This has caused mayhem.” raged Highgate shopkeeper Robert Sinfield.
We love the idea of suburban ‘mayhem‘. Longer queues at the cashpoint, running out of parking spaces behind Waitrose. All the usual things that spark civil unrest and topple governments.
“To be filming somewhere like this is absolutely ludicrous."
We should just mention that Robert Sinfield owns a chocolate shop. Don’t sneer, for rich people that’s tantamount to running an inner city drop-in centre.
Tinseltown’s surely met its match with the Highgate posse. Never mind that they’ve been filming in crowded cities and backstreet barbers all over America for the past hundred years. Hollywood’s about to enter the Twilight Years Zone.
"Highgate is a lovely location and fits in perfectly with the look of the film." rebuked Basic Instinct 2’s publicist Julia Jones.
Local estate agent John Nadler agrees, “Filming here puts Highgate on the map, which in turn has a really positive effect on the community”.
Highgate is about as posh as London suburbs get. Lovely Georgian architecture, MP’s that used to be movie stars, and now Sharon Stone gettin’ jiggy with David Morrisey (DVDs) on the village green.
"It’s been absolute chaos.” commented resident butcher Phyllis Harber.
He means parking. It’s been ‘absolute chaos parking‘. If there’s one thing that upsets anybody within the city walls it’s finding somewhere to reverse the Rangie.
"Although it’s a bit of a nightmare finding parking, it’s generally a good thing because it makes people feel proud." village teacher Sarah Liney confirmed.
We suggest paying Highgate a visit just to see what all the fuss is about.
Don’t use the train, they’re always late and gay people have sex on them, apparently. There’s plenty of room for a couple of extra motors dumped here and there.
Just don’t ask any of the locals if you can use their driveways. They’ve gotta park the chocolate van somewhere or they’ll be mayhem.
[story by Chris Laverty]