Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
The worst torment hecklerspray ever had to endure while in school was a ring of really old prostitutes surrounding our building and tossing rotten bananas in through the windows. We’re not sure exactly what their point was, but we think it had something to do with them getting a column on the cafeteria menu – airbrushed head shots, short bios and everything
As we understand things – the only reason it never happened was because the PTA was so right-wing.
One boy in darkest Africa has worse worries than that. He occasionally gets jumped by goblins on school property – and at home for that matter.
Imagine if you will – you’re sitting there in class when you see a tiny, disfigured man dressed in black eyeing your Bic from two feet away. You know what he wants, but are extremely reluctant to give it to him. He inches forward, you grow tense. Another step up – you pull the pen back – but it’s too late! He lunges forward and grabs it. The fight of your life is now – you scream and everybody looks… at you like you’re crazy.
They don’t see anybody but you. You’d feel like an idiot, but you don’t because you’re slumped in your seat all unconscious and what-not.
That’s an actual account out of Zimbabwe, you know. There’s a boy there who’s been plagued by a little goblin that only he can see. We’ll let Zimbabwe News Online sum things up for you:
?On one occasion he screamed during lesson time and said a short old man was trying to forcefully take his pen away. He struggled with his invisible tormentor for some time until he became unconscious.”
But with that quote we come to the story late. It actually starts with the young lad getting a super-charged glow just before his first bout – again from Zimbabwe News Online:
“Although the school authorities could not confirm it, the boy?s parents say their child experienced a ?transfiguration? on February 10, the night before a major fight with the invisible opponent caused his body to glow.”
Other than the pen, nobody knows for sure what the thing wants. Maybe someone should leave a ten pack out for it to take back to hell. The poor thing’s probably gotta make a shopping list or something. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – maybe it should just be that hell hath no writing utensils.
It must be frustrating if you think about it – heaven wrote the bible with probably a dozen goose-feather pens or something. But what’s hell ever written? The Harry Potter series? Without pens – we highly doubt it. Unless ol’ Beelzebub himself paced around JK Rowling‘s office dictating as she wrote away.
So you know, that’s precisely what we think probably happened.
Really if enough people leave mechanical pencils under bridges, maybe they’ll leave this poor kid alone.
You guys first. We’re on a budget.
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