Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

You’re familiar with first world problems, right? Running out of mustard, the laundry room is all the way down in the basement or the DVR cut off the first 15 seconds of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These are first world problems.

Third world problems, on the other hand, are things like two oily men with the magical powers of a witch going around trying desperately to rape all the virgins in your village.

That, reportedly, is something a district in Malaysia is currently dealing with.

Remember the Popobawa? We wrote about it a few years ago. It’s a bat-winged cyclops that goes around raping men mostly in a place called Pemba. He terrorizes entire towns at a time.

Something somewhat similar is happening in Malaysia right now, except instead of one terrifying and horny monster there are two of them. AsiaOne.com gives us the low down:

“…what the residents of this village were worried about were not humans, instead they were keeping an eye out for not one, but two, supernatural beings. They are under attack from a couple of orang minyak (oily man), they claim. This village has been buzzing with sightings of the two paranormal creatures for the last 10 days.

“Many residents claim to have seen and heard the orang minyak around the vicinity of the Pangsapuri Laksamana and Jalan Laksamana. And they all say the same thing the orang minyak are clad only in their underwear and drenched in black shiny oil. They can jump from one roof to another with ease, and vanish into thin air within seconds.”

Well we don’t know about all the jumping and vanishing stuff, but as far as the underwear-clad oily description goes – it sounds like our own Mof Gimmers.

You might wonder what the Oily Men are doing around the town there. The answer, according to local lore, is they’re trying desperately to rape a certain amount of virgins so they can get black magic’s equivalent of the Eagle Scout rank. You don’t believe us? Well check out what AsiaOne says about it:

“As reported by a local Malay daily, the 17-year-old girl did not only see the orang minyak a few times, but also felt “someone” caressing her and calling her to go out of the house. It reportedly also locked the family members outside the house on Christmas eve, forcing the girl’s brother-in-law Kamal Bahari Satar, 36, to break down the door. We saw a black heap underneath the kitchen table. When other residents poked it with a bamboo stick, we could see blood stains.”

The black mass then fled to a neighbor’s house. Mobs have taken to the streets in search of the two greasy wizards. Although some have seen them, thus far they’ve been unable to capture one.

Really though, even if they managed to get there hands on one it’d probably be really slippery. After all, they’re covered in grease.

Smart move, greasy man, smart move indeed.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Any haunting aficionado will tell you that there are three main kinds of ghosts; those of Christmas past, those of Christmas present & Stay Puft Marshmallow men. Occasionally, however, a fourth kind of ghost pops up.

This is the kind that haunts into children’s rooms in the middle of the night, sits on their chests & gabs about their ghostly day so long the poor kids end up sleeping in their finger paint by noon next day.

A spooky and specific account of this type is waiting for you after the jump.

Do you believe in ghosts? Other than the types that sit with you at pottery wheels, we mean. If ghosts were only blood thirsty, dead Patrick Swayzes seeking to kill all those who would Harm Demi Moore, the Demi-indifferent of us would probably be OK with them.

Unfortunately according to some, ghosts can be far more nefarious. Like that Michael Jackson ghost that materialized on stage at an African elementary school talent show or whatever. What a terror that one was! And sometimes ghosts appear entire cities at a time. Detroit, for example.

The really spooky ghosts, though, are the ones that saunter into your room and sit on your chest. Once they’ve got you thus restrained, they become chatty Cathies. If you’ve never heard of this before – it (or something like it) is often called Old Hag Syndrome.

This one is slightly different, however, because it includes the old gray ghost of a man. The aged spectre spends his nights in the room of a five year old boy – sitting on the lad’s chest as we mentioned before.

The Daily Mail has the dirt:

“A father has told how his five-year-old son claims he has been troubled by visions of a ghostly man with grey skin who speaks to him in the night. Dave Gerrity, 41, said his son Dagan first complained about seeing something in his bedroom in the family’s Bridlington home around six months ago. Mr Gerrity said: ‘Dagan is scared about it. He cries about it. He’s told us that at night he can’t sleep because a man with grey skin comes and sits on his bed and keeps him awake talking to him.

“The first time it happened, Dagan’s mum Emma and I heard him crying on the baby monitor. I went up to him and he was just crying his eyes out. At first I thought it was just his imagination, or he had had a bad dream. Of course you never expect this kind of thing to be true, I’ve never believed in this kind of thing before. But there’s no denying it now. There have been times when we’ve been in the room with him and we see him looking up into the corner of the room and speaking.”

To us it really doesn’t sound so bad, but that probably depends on the topic of the night. Like if that ghost-guy was an accountant in life and he kept asking questions about our W-2, well we’d likely be tempted to join him on that side. If he wanted to talk about why John Locke should have won Lost, now that’s something we’d probably be able to live with.

We wish that family all the best, though. And we recommend they call Dan Aykroyd to see if he can’t suck the ghost up with a backpack vacuum.

Advice, after all, is all we have to give.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Generally speaking, people don’t fly with out some kind of machine keeping them aloft. You know, like an airplane, a helicopter or an Acme rocket with a pair of roller skates. Non-generally speaking, some bat-winged guy flew 1000′ over Coney Island with tons of witnesses as reported by the New York Times.

Our initial thoughts are that it is a hoax, because all the witnesses say the thing was flying towards New Jersey. If this was true, it would have been flying anywhere but New Jersey.

A long, long time ago the New York Times printed a pretty weird story about a man with bat wings and frog legs soaring through the air over Coney Island. The date was September 12, 1880. They say he’d also been reported sailing over St Louis and Kentucky too.

To give you an excerpt from that article:

“One day last week a marvelous apparition was seen near Coney Island. At the height of at least a thousand feet in the air a strange object was in the act of flying toward the New Jersey coast. It was apparently a man with bat’s wings and improved frog’s legs. The face of the man could be distinctly seen, and it wore a cruel and determined expression. The movements made by the object closely resembled those of a frog in the act of swimming with his hind legs and flying with his front legs.”

We’re not afraid to tell you that we have no idea what ‘improved frog’s legs’ are – but it sounds delicious. We assume there was probably some batter involved. And a flash fryer.

This isn’t the first time we’ve told you about flying people, if you recall. Remember the floating Yogi? That was a strange story with baffling implications. What about the evil witch that tried to rip off the skin of a Mexican police officer’s face? She had to use some flying powers to pull that one off too.

That New York Times article spirals into talk about some preacher or something, who is obviously using a new technology to scope out the sins of cities he was about to preach in. That’s probably true. Voyeurism has long been the impetus to invention.

Which reminds us – we need to get back to the lab to work on our giant machine that renders retirement-home bathroom walls transparent. We’re already working on the patent so nobody steal that idea.

Also please tell us where you’re currently housing your ancestors.

For no specific reason.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Hecklerspray just bought 7 lead-lined safes and converted them into underpants.  Sure, our pants now look bulgy and perfectly square, but it’s worth it because we just learned about a guy with X-Ray eyes. All of our genitalia demands privacy, you see, and that’s just something we don’t think we could ever have with people like this lurking about.

You don’t believe us, do you? Well read on then – and learn about the man named Kuda Bux.

Who’d have ever guessed that eyes could be such formidable weapons. Remember the kid who went around accidentally lighting everything on fire by simply looking at it? Well now the dangerous eye ball club has a new member. And by new we mean since the 1930s or something.

Kuda Bux had a strange ability. He’s  let you cover his head with about a million layers of varied materials, and then he’d read you a story. To someone not present at one of these demonstrations you’d think there were a million ways for this to be a cheap parlor trick. So let’s hear from someone who was present for at least two of these demonstrations. It’s a long excerpt but it kind of needs to be. This from AmazingAbilities.com:

“…Kuda Bux continued, “I would like two volunteers.” Two young fellows, apparently college students, stood up to volunteer… Kuda Bux took two baseball sized quantities of freshly kneaded white flour dough from a box on a table. He kneaded each ball of dough for a brief time and then flattened it into a round inch-thick patty about six inches in diameter. As he handed each volunteer one of the patties, he said, “Hold these.” He closed both eyes, leaning his head back. He instructed, “Take the dough and seal my eyes shut.” The volunteers were slow to respond. “Just lay it flat over my eyes,” Kuda Bux urged. The two men obliged. “Press it down all around so it is completely sealed.”

“…The dough filled his entire eye sockets and extended out from his eyes which completely sealed both eyes shut. There was no doubt that his eyes were pasted shut. [He] continued directing the volunteers, “There are two cotton wads on the table. Take those and place them over the dough.” The men obliged. They were pieces of cotton about an inch thick, and about 4 inches wide by 6 inches long. They were placed vertically over the dough. “Take the tape. There is a roll of tape on the table. Take the tape and tape the cotton in place,” Kuda Bux continued. As one fellow pulled a strip of tape from the dispenser, Kuda Bux explained, “Make it about ten inches long. Just tape over the cotton onto my face.”

“The volunteers got the idea and while one cut ten-inch long strips of this inch-wide medicinal tape, the other fellow took the tape and criss-cross it over the cotton and onto Kuda Bux’s face. It was clearly evident that the cotton wads were firmly in place over the eyes, extending from the middle of the forehead down to the lower part of his cheeks. Even if Kuda Bux could somehow peak under the dough, he would not be able to peak under the cotton and the tape as well.

“As if this was not enough Kuda Bux instructed, “There are black cloth strips in the box. Take those and place them over the cotton, and tie them behind my head.” As the two fellows pulled out the five cloth strips, I could see they were opaque, about three inches wide, and each about three feet long. “Look them over,” urged Kuda Bux. “Can you see through them?” The two fellows tested the cotton strips and began putting them in place. Kuda Bux guided their placement so that two cotton strips were criss-crossed to form an X over each eye. As each was held in place Kuda Bux said, “Tie it in the back. Make sure it is tight.” The criss-crossing of the cotton strips over his eyes left only the nostrils exposed and almost fully sealed off his mouth. Kuda Bux then guided the last cotton strip horizontally over both eyes while the volunteers tied that last one in place at the back of his head as well.

“At this point the entire array took on the appearance of a mummified head. Two small openings remained for breathing through the nostrils and only a little space was evident over the center of the mouth. My meticulous scrutiny confirmed that Kuda Bux’s eyes were out of commission. Finally, to convince the die-hard skeptic he asked the volunteers to get the small black sack from the table. This sack was made of an opaque thick cloth. “Now put this over my head,” Kuda Bux instructed. “Try to see through it,” he said. The two fellows put it up to the light and tried to see through it. They were satisfied that it was not a trick bag, and placed it over Kuda Bux’s head.

“”Tighten the bag under my chin,” instructed Kuda Bux. One of the fellows pulled the draw strings tightly to seal off Kuda Bux’s entire head. Breathing was obviously difficult, and seeing with his physical eyes was impossible.”

Well that’s all well and good, but what would he do once he was in the dark? According to Randi.org:

“He would then drive a car, duplicate handwriting or drawings, and even fire a rifle at targets indicated by a volunteer. Once, he bicycled on New York’s Broadway while blindfolded, a dangerous feat even when fully sighted.”

Wikipedia goes on with some of his feats:

“Most astoundingly, observers noted that the unblindfolded Bux required reading glasses to read fine print. Whilst blindfolded Kuda Bux would read the dates on coins which are held on a spectator’s hand, read the fine print of a magazine, thread a needle, duplicate words he had never seen written, shoot a bullseye with a pellet gun, and many other mysteries.”

He’s also read and answer written questions. It’s important to note, however, that when Bux would give these demonstrations (at least the one as listed above from AmazingAbilities.com) he did so for free. He would put an ad in the paper, rent out a hall & let anyone attend who wanted to. He didn’t sell tickets, ask for donations or try to hawk lessons. Granted it did get him a certain level of fame, but that doesn’t seem to be his intent.

Bux said that anybody can do what he did with practice – and he told us how to practice as well.  All you have to do is stare at a candle for twenty years. No, really. This also comes from AmazingAbilities.com:

“”Can anyone learn to do this?” someone else asked. “Yes,” Kuda Bux affirmed. “You can develop your power of concentration by gazing at the gap between a flame and the candle. Do this just a few seconds at first,” he explained. “After some time you will be able to do this for much longer. It will take about twenty years of daily practice to get results.” Kuda Bux expressed his desire to teach anyone for free, but got no takers; understandably, since twenty years is just too long to be staring at candles.”

There you have it. For only twenty years of patience unending, you can gain a skill that’ll get you booked on Letterman.

Have at it.

If you’re looking for something to do in the mean time, enjoy this video of Bux doing his thing a few decades ago:

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Today, Mexico is mostly known as a place you don’t want to vacation for fear of getting kidnapped, murdered, then chopped up and stuffed into a pinata for your little nephew to discover at his sixth birthday party.

If drug cartels ever actually use that technique, please accept out apologies in advance. Seriously. And tell your nephew we’re sorry in advance too. Also tell him that should this ever happen, you’ll be in a better place.

The point being – Mexico is a pretty strange place. It’s jam-packed with all sorts of paranormal mumbo-jumbo. The most recent we’ve learned about is called the Zone of Silence – and it’s complete with disappearing radio transmissions of all sorts and disappearing men in bright yellow slickers.

Paranormally speaking, Mexico is full of all kinds of awesome stuff. Remember the flying witch? What about the UFOs as documented by the Mexican Air Force? Throw Quatzequatel on top of that pile and you’ve really got something.

Well today we’re bringing you another story from the land of salsa and dirt. It’s about a place known as The Zone of Silence. The Zone of Silence is called that because it’s thought to suck up any sort of transmissions emitted – be they radio, cell phone or what have you.

As Mexicolesstraveled.com explains it:

“…in 1970 a faulty American Athena missile fired from the White Sands Missile Base in nearby New Mexico went off course inexplicably and crashed into the mysterious desert region and made the world aware of the unique and apparently unusual properties of the area. Subsequently a team of U.S. Air Force investigators, with Mexican government approval, journeyed to the crash site and made an unexpected discovery. Within an unspecified and sometimes shifting area within the Zone, radio signals fail to travel through the air, creating a type of dark zone. No television, radio, short wave, microwave, or satellite signals seem to penetrate this zone. The name, Zone of Silence, was quickly adopted, and researchers began flocking to the remote location shortly thereafter.”

Of course that’s not about the birth of the zone – just it’s discovery on a larger scale. One instance of the Mexican anomaly dates back to the 1930s. As AboveTopSecret tells us:

“One of the first known instances of “odd behavior” coming from this location…. comes from around the 1930′s…. from a pilot called Francisco Sarabia. Upon flying his aircraft over the mysterious site, he noticed that suddenly, and without any warning, his radio had completely stopped working. The rest of the instruments on the plane had seemingly either stopped working, or had gone completely wild also.”

That sounds quite a bit like the Bermuda Triangle. And although airplane gadgetry running amok is interesting and all – disappearing good Samaritans dressed like Paddington Bear bring everything to another level. This next bit is taken from Strangemag.com:

“On October 13, 1975, Ernesto and Josefina Diaz, an enterprising couple drove into the zone in a brand new Ford pickup to collect unusual rocks and fossils which can be found in great abundance. As they busied themselves in their activity, they noticed that a desert rainstorm was heading toward them. Hoping to avoid being caught in a flash flood, they wisely packed their vehicle up and sped off, but not fast enough to avoid the relentless rain: the track ahead of them turned into a swamp: the pickup was quickly trapped and began to sink in the soft terrain.

“While the couple struggled to keep their vehicle from submerging into the mud, two figures approached them, waving at them amid the torrential rain. Two extremely tall men in yellow raincoats and caps, with unusual but by no means alarming features, offered their assistance to help them get underway again. The men instructed the totally drenched couple to get inside the pickup again while they pushed. Before the couple realized, their vehicle had popped out of the hole and on to firmer ground. When the husband got out of the pickup once more to thank the two men, he realized they were gone. There were no footprints in evidence or any surface feature that could have concealed their departure.”

And there it is all laid out nice & neat. Mexico’s Zone of Silence is indeed a strange place. The government there has even set up some sort of scientific base right smack in the middle of it. They say it’s to study the plant life or something of that sort, but some believe it’s there for far more paranormal reasons.

Us – we think it’s a drug depot. After all – it’s Mexico.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

If you stumbled across the body of an alien, what would you do with it? Other than taste it, we mean. We’re a bit dog-like that way. If you ever see us in the park gnawing on a squirrel leg, that’s why.

After we’d given that alien body a good chew, though, we’d see if we could sell it somewhere. For millions in Chinese dollars, whatever those are called. We definitely wouldn’t keep it in the freezer portion of our cheaply made Russian refrigerator. That’s what Marta Yegorovnam did when she found one.

And now she’s ready to tell you all about it.

Every now and again somebody somewhere finds a very well preserved alien body that they won’t let anyone see, touch or sniff. Remember the one found in the Andes that we told you about a while ago? Well another one just popped up.

A woman found the body a few years ago – we’ll let the Daily Mail tell you about it:

“After other claims of extraterrestrial life turning up in Siberia, the latest is from a Russian woman who says she kept a frozen alien corpse in her fridge. The mysterious ‘lifeform’ was reportedly kept by Marta Yegorovnam in her fridge in the western Russian city of Petrozavodsk for two years, while she took five pictures to prove its existence.

“The ‘body’, the third alien sighting in Russian in recent months, was reportedly retrieved by Miss Yegorovnam from a UFO crash site near her summer house in 2009. She says she approached the flaming wreckage and crumpled metal which she described as ‘unbearably hot’ and near the twisted hulk lay the dead alien. The ‘creature’ is two feet long, has an enormous head, large bulbous eyes and an appearance somewhere between a fish and a humanoid. It also appears to have what looks like a string-like arm protruding from its body.”

And there you have it. You should really scoot on over to the previously mentioned website if you want to see more pictures. If you want to see the actual body though – forget about it. It was confiscated by some goons from something called the Karelian Research Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences.

We don’t know what that is, and we’re too lazy to Google it.

The point is – Yegorovnam brilliantly built in a piece to her story that will keep her little frozen friend from being examined.

Whether the body is real or not – it sure looks like it’s be fun to chew on. If it squeaks with every bite we’d be all the more sold.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Lets make a brief list of people with the ability to fly. As it likely is for you, the first person to come to mind is the Great Gazoo. He didn’t really soar – he more kinda poofed in and hovered. Still though, he never touched the ground.

Evel Knievel did his fair share of flying about. He couldn’t always control it though, as his wired and bolted skeleton would attest.

Lastly there’s Subbayah Pullavar, a Yogi who hovered for a solid five minutes in front of 150 people who were invited to come up and check for strings and such.

We’ve told you about flying people before, right? Remember this Mexican witch? You don’t? Well she was flitting all around Mexican countryside not terribly long ago. Flying like a songbird on the wind. With evil intent or something.

If Hecklerspray were granted the ability to fly our legs would probably wither and shrivel. It wouldn’t be good for our shoe supplier, that’s sure. What it would be good for is fetching frisbees off of roofs. We’d probably delve into a business like that. See you later, internet.

Yogi Pullavar, full name Subbayah Pullavar, was probably above any tasks remotely dog-like.

In all actuality, before June 6, 1936 we don’t know much about the man. On that date, however, we know he caused quite a stir. This is what Wikipedia has on it:

“Yogi Pullavar’s assistants erected a small tent in an open area where Pullavar began by ritualistically pouring a circle of water around the perimeter of the tent. Shoes were not permitted within the area marked by the circle. Yogi Pullavar then entered the tent where he remained hidden from view for a few minutes, after which the attendants then removed the tent. Once revealed, Yogi Pullavar was seen suspended horizontally several feet above the ground. He was in a trance, lightly resting his hand on top of a cloth covered stick. It was asserted by witnesses present that Yogi did not exert pressure on the stick for support, but instead used it as a point of reference. Many photographs were taken from various angles of this exhibition and witnesses present were permitted to thoroughly examine the levitation. They meticulously searched for strings, props and any means of possible support above, below and around the levitating Pullavar, however nothing was found.

“After four minutes the attendants erected the tent around Yogi Pullavar to shield him as he made his descent. P.Y. Plunkett positioned himself so that the sunlight enabled him to discern Pullavar through the thin cloth tent walls. He reported noticing Yogi Pullavar gently swaying for a short time while still in mid-air. Finally, he slowly sank in a horizontal position to the ground. The entire process took an estimated five minutes to complete.”

The tent was then taken down by the same people who put it up. The Yogi was still lying there in a trance. The spectators were invited to come up and try to bend his limbs. They couldn’t, though they tried.

The assistant then splashed him with water, rubbed him down for a few minutes, and the man returned to normal. Multiple pictures from different angle were taken showing the man hovering there. It definitely seems like only the cloth covered stick was there connecting to the ground. In the pic above you can see that there doesn’t appear to be any stress in the hand touching it.

And the stick was examined too. You can see it unwrapped for yourself if you Google image “Yogi Pullavar.”

We don’t know what to make of it, frankly. But we would like to know if he could still float in the presence of kryptonite. If he can’t – well then we’d have a theory about him.

We don’t want to discuss that now though. So you’ll just have to wonder about what it might be.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Some people think that the greatest threat posed by shape shifters is that they might turn into large dogs and eat you. Those people are right. That is definitely the biggest threat posed by those who shift their shape.

A lesser known problem presents itself, however, when the person with this magical ability is a hilarious prostitute. This, according to a Zimbabwean man arrested while humping a donkey, is exactly what happened to him.

When you’re drunk in a bar and a big toothed woman offers to turn a trick for seven leafy carrot-ends, it’s probably a good idea to get a second opinion from the bar tender. Had Sunday Moyo, a man from Zimbabwe, heeded this advice then perhaps he wouldn’t have been arrested while listening to Barry White with a decent-looking donkey.

He was in a bar, you see, and a human being prostitute made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. And now he has donkey-AIDS.

To be fair we didn’t actually read anywhere that Moyo has donkey AIDS, we just assume it to be the case as he was dallying with a whorish mule. He didn’t bopp the burro on purpose, though. According to him he thought he was making sweet love to a regular two-legged lady who was tied to a tree. In his own words (to a judge):

“Your worship, I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested.”

Now that may sound weird to you, but it isn’t. And it isn’t because of love. Real love – like the kind between a man and his wife, or in Zimbabwe, a man and various animals in his barn. See – Moyo goes on to explain:

“I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey.”

That’s the exact reason we always dry hump pizza boxes. Love.

You can’t help what you love. That’s why we’re considered legally married to a cheesy pie in 23 states.

Mother is not pleased.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

No, it’s not a crass, gynecologically themed all girl indy band. It’s a strange place in Peru with thousands of large holes bored into stone and clustered into a pretty long strip. It’s weird alright – and there are several theories as to what the stone holes were used for. Those theories range from grain storage to UFO this-or-that.

We’re guessing it was built as a large, impossible to miss mini-golf course for giants.

Peru’s got some pretty weird ancient art work dotting there landscape. They’ve got the Nazca Lines – huge, ancient renderings of a monkey, an astronaut & what-have-you that can only be seen from the sky. As if that’s not weird enough they also have the Band of Holes.

Never heard of it? Well then read this splurb from World-Mysteries.com:

“These strange holes, stretching for a mile over uneven mountain terrain, were here for so long that the local people have no idea who made them, or why. Funny thing is no one really saw the big picture until the area was seen from the air.”

Nobody really knows what they are. Not only that, but there is debate over whether they were made by nature, by Peruvians or by aliens that transported stubby drills a really long way. World-Mysteries.com has more on the holes:

“Each hole is a meter wide and just as deep. There are eight holes spanning 24 meters in width, marching in repetitive uniform fashion, from the Pisco Valley rolling over a mile through mountain terrain — finally disappearing in the misty mass of Peru. These holes remind …of the traces left by a massive drilling rig moving along methodically, testing the geology of the Andes for precious metals. Lasers have also left such tracings in the ground. Archaeologists say they represented defensive positions or graves for the ancient ones, except why would you bury anyone on a slope in rocky soil at more than a 45-degree angle?”

The only thing we really know is the holes, in hard rock, would be incredibly hard to carve out. Why would the natives go through the effort? Is there a religious purpose? Perhaps their king lost his keys.

In a mountain.

Whatever the reason – the strange holes are interesting.

Whoever made them.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Ghosts. If they don’t make the heads of teenage girls spin around while vomiting straight out 100 feet in every direction, we’re not interested. If the ghosts do do that, we’re interested alright, but only from a distance of at least 101 feet.

The story of the Stockwell Poltergeist doesn’t contain an ounce of vomit. We know you’re probably disappointed. Also there are no farts, burps or any disgusting sullying of panties. We’re just being upfront with you here. What it does have is about 20 hours of super strange and noisy goings on.

It also has this sworn statement by six witnesses:

“The above narrative is absolutely and strictly true, iii[sic?] wit­ness whereof we have set our hands this eleventh day of Janu­ary, 1772.”

1772 was a bumper year. Not only did it see mankind isolate nitrogen for the first time, but it was also the year man’s balls first descended into the scrotum, allowing for increased fertility and an explosion in several population groups. In fact, it could be argued that if it weren’t for the great ball descension ’72, you might not even been born. We’d have been born though. All our ancestors always had testicles way up in their stomachs.

It was also a crazy year for poltergeisting, apparently. Have you ever heard of the Stockwell Poltergeist? Neither had we. Probably because of all the archaic html they used in those days. It didn’t hold up – and 90% of all their 1772 websites have been lost forever.

Luckily though – the related sworn statement that six of the witnesses signed made it through the ages. It’s a very detailed account. It’s also a very long account, so we’ll just give you excerpts. First for the setup.

Mrs. Golding was an old bag that owned a great big farmhouse. It was in her place that the madness started. What kind of madness, you might ask? Well it appears there was no shortage. From the document written by the six witnesses at the time:

“On Monday, January the 6th, 1772, about ten o‘clock in the forenoon, as Mrs. Golding was in her parlor, she heard the china and glasses in the back kitchen tumble down and break; her maid came to her and told her the stone plates were falling from the shelf; Mrs. Golding went into the kitchen and saw them broke. Presently after, a row of plates from the next shelf fell down likewise, while she was there, and nobody near them…”

“…this astonished her much, and while she was thinking about it, other things in different places began to tumble about, some of them breaking, attended with violent noises all over the house ; a clock tumbled down and the case broke ; a lan­tern that hung on the staircase was thrown down and the glass broken to pieces ; an earthen pan of salted beef broke to pieces and the beef fell about…”

That there is just for starters, mind you. Multiple witnesses came by. One said the crazy happenings were because the weight of a room recently added was too much for the foundation of the house. This seemed like a decent explanation, apparently, but everything still got weirder.

One of the other witnesses was a doctor that stopped by. His part goes like this:

“Among the persons who were present was Mr. Gardner, a surgeon, of Clapham, whom Mrs. Pain [Mrs. Golding's niece who was sent for, as far as we can tell] desired to bleed her aunt, which he did. Mrs. Pain asked him if the blood should be thrown away : he desired it might not, as he would examine it when cold…[but] the blood that was just congealed, sprang out of the basin upon the floor, and presently after the basin broke to pieces!”

Now obviously everyone is spooked at this point. Everything really started picking up. Some of it happened as people were trying to empty the houses they thought might collapse. Things were exploding in people hands for no apparent reason. Golding was house hopping too. She’d been spooked out of her own house – but this stuff just kept happening everywhere Golding and her new maid went.

Did you catch that bit where we said ‘new maid’? Well all the witnesses started to notice that the maid really wasn’t freaked out about the haunting. In fact, she seemed quite calm. And then they all noticed something else:

“…in the midst of the greatest confusion, [the maid] was as much composed as at any other time, and with uncommon coolness of temper ad­vised her mistress not to be alarmed or uneasy, as she said these things could not be helped. Thus she argued, as if they were common occurrences, which must happen in every family.”

That’s not all. The spooky happenings kept ratcheting up. Tables were moving, chairs were moving and drawers were being shuffled all about. Golding decided to leave this house too. With her maid.

“When Mrs. Golding’s maid had seen her safe to [the next house], she came back to Mrs. Pain, to help her to dress the children in the barn, where she had carried them for fear of the house falling. At this time all was quiet. They then went to [the house where Golding now was], and then began the same scene as had happened at the other places. It must be re-marked, all was quiet here as well as elsewhere, till the maid returned.”

People were suspicious at this point, but they let the maid stay. The hauntings continued enough for their host to give them the boot. Golding and her maid returned home, and the poltergeist went with them. As the madness continued, someone thought it a good idea for the maid to go bring back Mrs. Golding’s niece. While the maid was gone, all was quiet.

When the maid returned, she was fired. Nothing ever happened around Golding again.

This has been a very abridged version of the haunting. To read it in full – check this out.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Long have we thought that the major attraction missing from all amusement parks everywhere in the world – is this literal death roller coaster. Seriously – we’d pay to ride something like that a million times. Just something to think about California Adventure.

On a related note – there’s currently an amusement park that went and dug up an ancient old grave yard. You know what happened after that?

Exactly what you’d expect would happen.

No doubt you’d like us to get right to it and tell you all about the horrifying haunted theme park located in merry old England. Well, first let’s get you a little background. This from Wikipedia:

“Thorpe Park is a theme park located in Chertsey, Surrey, England, UK. It was built in 1979 on the site of a gravel pit which was partially flooded, the intention of creating a water based theme for the park.”

Well their intent may have been to create a water-based amusement park, but what they made instead was a gaping hole to hell seeping more souls than a BP oil platform seeps black ooze. You see, the park was going to put in a new ride called Storm Surge, but the gents putting it in with shovel and pick began to claim all sorts of paranormal happenings.

Happenings, according to our source material, like a headless-monk ghost hovering around making people feel slightly chilly or something. Also, according to the Daily Mail, this sort or stuff happened too:

“There were reports of workers feeling like someone was watching over their shoulder and sudden cold feelings being experienced. As a result of the ghostly sightings, and fears that an ancient burial ground has been disturbed, the project was moved to another site.”

Sounds like a Steven King book, right? Well it isn’t. Why do you always think everything sounds like a Steven King book? He can’t write everything, you know. Whoever wrote all this, the Daily Mail adds more to it:

“A paranormal detection agency was then called in to the park in Chertsey, Surrey, to carry out tests and found that a burial ground or settlement could have been disturbed…The 64ft-tall water ride, Storm Surge, was originally planned for an area known as Monk’s Walk, an old footpath that has linked the ruins of nearby Chertsey Abbey to Thorpe Church since AD666.”

Notice, if you will, that the AD date is 666. This is just looking worse and worse for any non-suicidal attendees to the park. Now before you think this has anything to do with the park’s Fright Nights attraction – the one they’ve currently got going in order to soak up all of your money this coming Halloween – you should know that the article we found about all this was written in February 2011.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Here’s what we as a people know concretely about the moon; it’s a wicked awesome planet that thinks it’s better than Earth, but really it’s not.

Seriously, the moon is so dumb it can’t even maintain an atmosphere. That’s, like, planets 101. Shouldn’t have skipped that class, eh moon?

And of course, without an atmosphere there’s absolutely no chance of a civilization ever popping up. After all, when astronauts visited the moon back when America had a space program – they didn’t see anything, right? Well according to one former NASA employee – they actually did see some old abandoned buildings and what-not.

If Hecklerspray ever get’s stuck living on the moon, we hope it’s at least on a nice sea side property with an ocean breeze and a free hammock. If we can’t have that, then we’ll probably have to settle for living in one of the old abandoned buildings that NASA‘s former (get ready for a really long title) National Aeronautics and Space Administration Data and Photo Control Department manager Ken Johnston swears up and down are spotted across the moon’s pock-marked surface.

According to BeforeItsNews.com:

“Johnston asserts NASA knows astronauts discovered ancient alien cities and the remains of amazingly advanced machinery on the Moon. Some of the technology can manipulate gravity. He says the agency ordered a cover-up and forced him to participate in it.”

You see, Johnston has actually worked for NASA up until very recently. Then he wrote a book with Coast to Coast regular Richard C. Hoagland. In the book Johnston let the allegations fly. True or not, NASA didn’t approve. They offered him the chance to resign, which he balked at. Then they flushed him down the hole where he joined America’s growing cesspool of unemployed citizens.

We assume Mr. Johnston got his information from the photographs he was in charge of – as implied by the last part of his big, long job title. We’d like to know where he got the info on gravity manipulation. So help us if we have to buy his book to find out!

A few articles telling this story have some of the pictures from the book. The originals might be impressive, but the pirated reprints we’ve seen have way too little detail to knock anybody’s socks off.

If our world was technologically advanced enough, there’s really no doubt we’d build outposts on far away moons – especially if there was an intelligent population to study. Could somebody else have come here a long time ago and staked the place out? It’s really not too weird to think about. However – we think super advanced and available technology just sitting there waiting to be picked up would guarantee NASA all the funding they could ever dream of. As opposed to, you know, cutting the space shuttle program and laying off every single person that ever worked for them.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

If Adolph Hitler had been a woman, perhaps he would have only killed his husband’s dinner every night instead of all those innocent nice people. But alas – he wasn’t. The testosterone that raced through his veins pushed his military into the far corners of the world – mowing down anybody that prayed to a different God. If only his hobbies had been crocheting and recipes instead of gas chambers and bombs. Perhaps then things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand.

Perhaps that’s why the allied forces were going to use inside people to slip him enough estrogen to make him grow boobies, and wonder which lip stick would go best with his shoes.

Long have we thought that Hitler would look good in a Bikini. And we’re not talking about the Hitler you see in all the old news reals – we mean him in his current state. But then we’ve always thought long-dead zombie dictators were an attractive lot. We’re not alone here either. Except for the zombie part. Yes, we’re pretty sure we’re alone in the zombie part.

Apparently Winston Churchill thought he might actually stand a chance if Hitler was a woman and the two of them crossed paths in a dimly lit, romantic bar. Maybe that’s why the Allies of WWII actually had a plan to slip Adolph estrogen. If he was too busy smoothing his nails then he probably wouldn’t think about squishing Polish babies under his tank tread as much. But let’s skip straight to the source here. According to WalesOnline:

“[The Hitler/Estrogen details] have come to light now because of the publication of new documents not previously seen because of their sensitive nature. The book is authored by Professor Brian Ford, a fellow at Cardiff University and pioneer of popular science. He said the allies were deadly serious about turning the evil Austrian transgender – to be more like his placid sister Paula.

“Professor Ford said: “There was an allied plan that they would smuggle oestrogen into Hitler’s food and change his sex so he would become more feminine and less aggressive. “Their research had showed the importance of sex hormones – they were beginning to be used in sex therapy in London. The plan was to give sex hormones to Hitler and counterbalance his unnecessary aggression.” Professor Ford said the plan was perfectly plausible because British spies were already in place and primed to secretly dose his vegetable garden with the hormones which would have gone undetected for months.”

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

When Vatican City was established by a treaty between blah blah blah and blah blah blah way back in 1929, well – they may as well have not even bothered. That’s because according to a small group of believers – the whole thing is going to topple to the ground this coming Wednesday.

We don’t really buy it though. After all, the thing has already withstood the rapture, why would it crumble down now?

Because the Virgin Mary said it would in a vision to three children, that’s why.

Ahem.

On the thirteenth day of six consecutive months way back in 1917, three shepherd children claim they were visited by an apparition of The Virgin Mary. That seems like a lot of meetings, no doubt filled with tons of idol chit chat about the latest silent film. But all you need to know for this story is that Mary is said to have told the kids 3 secrets.

The first two weren’t all that secret as they’ve been open for discussion since around 1941. The first was this, as found in one of the children’s eventual memoirs:

“Our Lady showed us a great sea of fire which seemed to be under the earth. Plunged in this fire were demons and souls in human form, like transparent burning embers, all blackened or burnished bronze, floating about in the conflagration, now raised into the air by the flames that issued from within themselves together with great clouds of smoke, now falling back on every side like sparks in a huge fire, without weight or equilibrium, and amid shrieks and groans of pain and despair, which horrified us and made us tremble with fear. The demons could be distinguished by their terrifying and repulsive likeness to frightful and unknown animals, all black and transparent. This vision lasted but an instant. How can we ever be grateful enough to our kind heavenly Mother, who had already prepared us by promising, in the first Apparition, to take us to heaven. Otherwise, I think we would have died of fear and terror.”

The second secret is found in the same book:

“You have seen hell where the souls of poor sinners go. To save them, God wishes to establish in the world devotion to my Immaculate Heart. If what I say to you is done, many souls will be saved and there will be peace. The war is going to end: but if people do not cease offending God, a worse one will break out during the Pontificate of Pius XI. When you see a night illuminated by an unknown light, know that this is the great sign given you by God that he is about to punish the world for its crimes, by means of war, famine, and persecutions of the Church and of the Holy Father. To prevent this, I shall come to ask for the consecration of Russia to my Immaculate Heart, and the Communion of reparation on the First Saturdays. If my requests are heeded, Russia will be converted, and there will be peace; if not, she will spread her errors throughout the world, causing wars and persecutions of the Church. The good will be martyred; the Holy Father will have much to suffer; various nations will be annihilated. In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph. The Holy Father will consecrate Russia to me, and she shall be converted, and a period of peace will be granted to the world.”

All well and good. But the third secret is the one we’re here to talk about today – because it’s the one that actually was a secret for a long time. In 1941 the same girl who told of the first two secrets wrote the third on a piece of paper. With it she included the order that it not be torn from it’s sealed envelope until 1960. Since then it’s been released to the public. It reads, at least according to FatimaMovement.com, as follows:

“Now i will reveal the third part of the secret; This part is the apostasy in the Church!
Our Lady showed us a vision of someone who i describe as the ‘ Pope ‘, standing in front of a praising multitude. But there was a difference with a real Pope, the evil look, this one had eyes of evil. Then after a few moments we saw the same Pope entering a church, but this church was like the church of hell, there is no way to describe the ugliness of this place, it seemed like a fortress made of gray cement, with broken angles and windows like eyes, there was a beak on top of the building. We then looked up at Our Lady who said to us you have seen the apostasy in the Church, this message can be opened by The Holy Father, but must be announced after Pius XII and before 1960. During the pontificate of John Paul II the cornerstone from Peter’s tomb must be removed and transferred to Fatima. Because the Dogma of faith is not preserved in Rome, her authority will be removed and given to Portugal. The cathedral of Rome must be destroyed and a new one built in Fatima. If 69 weeks after this command is announced Rome continues it’s abomination, the city will be destroyed. Our Lady told us this is written, Daniel 9 24-25 and Mathew 21 42-44.”

The Fatima Movement explains their math here:

“The Masonic Vatican is obviously not listening to the Mother of God so Rome will be destroyed 69 weeks after the release of the letter, this last April 21, 2010. This puts the destruction of Rome at August 17, 2011.”

You know, they actually do have a count down clock there too. It’s about 4/5 of the way down the page – just below the t-shirts they’re selling to commemorate the occasion. As of this writing there are just over two days left on it. Hecklerspray certainly hopes all those priests have emergency bags packed. We also hope this mass destruction will leave plenty of televisions to be looted from under the rubble, because well, it’s been a week. And our hands are getting an itch that only other people’s property can satisfy.

To Rome then Londoners! To Rome!

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

What are the first things to come to your mind when we say ‘Germany?’ For us it’s throaty languages, short green pants with shoulder straps and white people eating billions of sausages.

Also genocide.

After you read this super awesome article, something else might come to your mind too – UFO’s fighting it out in German skies sometime in the 1500s. Have you heard of that? You haven’t? Then by all means read on!

In keeping with last week’s theme of really old, weird UFO sightings, we’ve got another one for you today. A week ago we told you about a few weird lights that zoomed around the Bostonian sea side with disembodied voices. This week we’re telling you about aerial UFO battles held at least twice in the air space over the ski-friendly parts of Europe.

MysteryHistory.tv gives a pretty good synopsis of the first one:

“The citizens of Nuremberg, Germany behold what appears to be a large scale aerial battle followed by the appearance of a large black triangular object and a large crash (with smoke) outside the city. A news notice (pictured above) was printed 10 days later (April 14, 1561) describing the event.

“At sunrise on the 4th April 1561, the citizens of Nuremberg beheld “A very frightful spectacle.” The sky appeared to fill with cylindrical objects from which red, black, orange and blue white disks and globes emerged. Crosses and tubes resembling cannon barrels also appeared whereupon the objects promptly “began to fight one another.””

Interesting, but we bet you want to know what the news story said ten days later. Of course you do – here it is straight from 1561:

“At dawn of April 4, in the sky of Nuremberg (Germany), a lot of men and women saw a very alarming spectacle where various objects were involved, including balls “approximately 3 in the length, from time to time, four in a square, much remained insulated, and between these balls, one saw a number of crosses with the color of blood. Then one saw two large pipes, in which small and large pipes, were 3 balls, also four or more. All these elements started to fight one against the other.””

As if that’s not strange enough, in 1566 the exact same thing happened over Basel, Switzerland. Here’s an accounting from a UFO website called Signal In The Noise:

“On August 7, 1566, at dawn, many citizens of Basle (Switzerland), frightened, saw during several hours the black spheres involved in a formidable aerial battle, invading the sky of their city: “at the time when the sun rose, one saw many large black balls which moved at high speed in the air towards the sun, then made half-turns, banging one against the others as if they were fighting a battle out a combat, a great number of them became red and igneous, thereafter they were consumed and died out,” wrote Samuel Coccius, the student in “crowned writings and liberal arts” who consigned the strange events in the city’s gazette.”

Pretty weird, right? And real enough to appear in papers of the time. Real enough for people to make wood cuts about both instances, too. Still, we once made a wood cut of our mother-in-law getting eaten by a thousand alligators, and that definitely hasn’t happened yet.We guess wood carvings aren’t necessarily hard evidence.

Carving out all those teeth was the worst part about it. Now our wrists creak.