Trainspotting. Whether it’s the Ewan McGregor-powered head in toilet film or the practice of watching iron horses go by, it is nothing to be proud of.

Fortunately the Personal Computer allows us to indulge forbidden passions such as wanting to drive trains, or a fetish for women in waders, in the privacy of our sordid homes. Regrettably I subscribe to the former camp and relish the idea of driving a virtual Class 30 diesel through Luton Parkway while sounding the horn.

That is until I launch the ‘simulator’ and remember how isolating and badly designed the train sim generally is.

Upon loading, RailWorks presents a clunky menu providing a choice of routes (including the exciting Reading to Paddington) and a list of scenarios. If you’re feeling rebellious there is the ‘Free Roam’ option, or for the very courageous, you can create your own scenario. I feel that I’m beginning to mock the spirit of the game now, despite the fact that means I am, by extension, mocking myself.

The basic version comes with 13 locomotives ranging from British electric, steam and diesel trains to American and European engines. If that’s not enough for your train gobbling appetite there is lots and lots of DLC on Steam. It does come at a price; at time of going to press, a Mk1 Coach pack will set you back a whopping £9.99. However, they have to be applauded for providing these 35+ add-ons; their presence almost counteracts the in-game glitches. They don’t, but almost!

SEVERE DELAYS

A problem I’ve found time after time with train simulators is the lack of in-game cohesion and support, RailWorks is no different. While there is a lengthy downloadable manual to nurse you through your first drive, the onscreen instructions and directions omit vital points. It is also impossible to retrieve the pop up prompts which tell you just which wagons you’re meant to uncouple in which particular siding, or which station you’re meant to stop at first.

If you feel like you must ignore this and want to jab at the buttons in the driver’s cab and wonder why some work and some don’t regardless, then I insist you buy the following. For only $199.95 you can have your very own Desktop Train Cab Controller, complete with three-digit LED speedometer! Only the foolishness of purchasing one of these behemoths will obscure the fact that you’re anally obeying virtual red signals, even though a part of you is 100% sure it’s never going to turn green.

Support for multi-monitor set ups is a nice touch, but merely playing the game on a single decent sized monitor demands three or four times the optimistic minimum spec. Scenarios seldom break from the monotony of picking up passengers from stations, or solving shunting puzzles. Who’d want to be a train driver? More to the point, who’d want to pay to pretend to be one?

Conclusion: You’ll need an anorak and flask of weak lemon drink to ignore the faults to enjoy this – all change (that’s the last train pun).
Arbitrary percentage score: 65%
What is it: Probably the best train simulator out there, but there isn’t any real competition.
Predecessors: Trainz Railroad Simulator, Rail Simulator
You could try: OpenBVE, a train set
Minimum spec: 1.7GHz CPU, 512MB RAM, 64MB 3D card
Price: £29.99 from Steam

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Bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang, boom. Bang. That is the noise war makes, as reproduced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg in The Pacific.

The Pacific is a massive budget ($200m) 10 -part miniseries from HBO, shown by Sky Movies HD in the UK. What’s that? Why is Sky Movies showing a TV series? Good question. The big Sky Movies boss thinks this show is *so* cinematic, it is basically more of a film than actual films.

Each 45 minute episode contains approximately 17 minutes of footage, the rest is filled with opening and closing credits. Bear this fact in mind when deciding whether to Sky+ it or not.

The opening war-athon goes a bit like this. It is Christmas, 1941. America. Some Marines are being told how great they are by an older Marine. This is followed by the Marines patting themselves on the back. A few of them are singled out as the main characters. Even after watching two episodes on Europe’s largest screen, we still can’t tell them apart.

Without giving too much away, these naive super soldiers are about to embark on a trip to various islands in the Pacific (the title gave it away didn’t it?) to bring about the total, 100%, maximum destruction of the Japanese Empire. If you’re not a fan of racist slang, now would be a good point to end your The Pacific experience.

Fairly inane squaddie dialogue follows until the guns start firing and one of the main ones starts questioning the morality of the slaughter at their hands. It is from here that The Pacific gets interesting.

If the thought of brotherhood, camaraderie and sentimental drivel doesn’t make you nauseous, this is for you.

P-Day is 5th April, 9pm on Sky Movies HD.

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You’ve clicked on this post because you either want to see what a smokin’ ace looks like, or because you want to see a trailer for that film with Vinnie Jones.

If it was the former – sorry, you won’t find that here. If it was the latter, you’re in luck! This video is exclusive to us by all accounts, so feel free to enjoy it that little bit more.

Smokin’ Aces 2: Assassin’s Ball is available on DVD and Blu-Ray now.

Ricky Gervais seems to be one of those people you either love or hate, or something inbetween.

As with any popular existence, he is subject to the normal animosity imposed by the group who are at present too cool to be a fan of a well-liked figure. Anyway, he’s got a DVD/Blu-Ray coming out of that Invention of Lying film he did, so to publicise it he gave a small number of interviews. One of them was with us, yay!

We also gave him the opportunity to plug lots of other things – see if you can spot them.

Hecklerspray:  So how’s your day gone so far, generally?

Ricky Gervais: (sighs) What do you want me to say?

H: Well… be honest.

RG: It’s a chore, it’s a chore (laughs).

H: Yeah? I imagine it would be.

RG: Why can’t people just watch the films and buy my DVDs and tickets without me having to do anything at all towards it? You know what I mean?

H: And why don’t celebrities want to have a chat with me without wanting to plug a product?

RG: I know – yeah exactly. We should just hang out and see if we get on before we try and plug my product.

H: And then maybe I’d suggest to people that they should watch the Invention of Lying

RG: It’s not even guaranteed, either. ’cause it’s not like I go “OK I’ll give you an interview but you’ve got to say nice things about it.” We could have an interview, I could be moaning and you could say, ‘not only is he a whinging f*cker but his film’s shit.’ It’s not even a guarantee.

H: The thing is, all the work is pretty much over for you after today. I’ve still got to review your DVD.

RG: Well don’t make it sound like such a chore, now I know what it sounds like, it’s terrible – whinging. Just get on with it; we’ve all got problems – Jesus Christ.

H: Alright, so you’ve got the Invention of Lying DVD coming out.

RG: (laughs) Thank you.

H: That’s out there now. The DVD menu, I’m not sure if you’ve looked at it, it’s probably the same as the cover [in appearance]. I haven’t seen the retail cover over here yet.

RG: Right?

H: They’ve done something to your face.

RG: Oh, airbrushing?

H: Yeah! Everyone’s basically whiter, but you…

RG: Not only is it airbrushed, but it looks like I’ve had reconstructive surgery.

H: I think… yeah…

RG: You know how it looks when they find a bit of a skull? And then they build the thing and they say this is what man would have looked like 5,000 years ago? It’s like that isn’t it?

H: So it’s an approximation of what you look like?

RG: (laughing) Exactly, yeah. It’s an approximation of what a British film star looked like in the year 2009.

H: Sort of stretched…

RG: Yeah, stretched, yeah. A little bit wide, yeah. A little less fat at least, which is good.

H: That’s true, the stretching does help.

RG: Yeah, exactly. It looks like I lost my eyebrows and I had to repaint them on like those old ladies do.

H: I didn’t spot that actually, I must admit.

RG: Yeah have a look at it – they sort of look light and fluffy.

H: I did enjoy the menu on the whole, mainly just because of that. So even if you don’t like the film…

RG: The thing is, they’ve airbrushed Louis C.K. and he still looks like a big fat ginger slob

H: But I didn’t think Louis, Jennifer or Rob looked that different to be honest, just a bit more ghost-like

RG: You don’t have to do a lot to Rob Lowe, he’s got the most chiselled… it’s ridiculous! He looks like an Action Man up close – his chin goes to a point

H: But what sort of utility does that have? Really? Apart from, I dunno…?

RG: Popping balloons at a kid’s party

H: I suppose maybe you could put cheese and pineapple on it, I don’t know.

RG: (laughs) Yeah, yeah.

H: So the concept of The Invention of Lying, where do you draw the line of what’s a lie? Because obviously you’d decided there’s no movies, or fiction in that respect. But then at the other end of the spectrum, everyone seems to say exactly what they’re thinking even maybe when it’s not necessary…

RG: Err, well yeah, that was obviously… yeah. I mean, it’s a house of cards; if you look into it too much it’s gonna be impossible. The joke was, that everything is exactly the same, except no-one can tell a lie. Not only do they not know how to tell a lie, but they’ve almost got a Tourette’s. The comedy comes from just saying what’s on your mind as opposed to being able to keep it back, and obviously that’s the fun in it. They still wear shirts and ties and have buttons and zips and cars and radio, so that’s the sort of joke. It’s sort of like a Flintstones-esque world where everything’s the same but made of concrete.

H: Well I liked the film, I’ll say that now to put you at ease.

RG: Oh thank you. I liked the film as well.

H: Yeah?

RG: I liked the idea, I thought that was nice. I like the fact that it’s probably one of the most subversive films in Hollywood because it was described as a Hollywood rom-com, which I like.

RG: Yeah, exactly. And I don’t get paid for any of it.

H: Suicide bombers, in comparison, have it easy. They only have to do it once.

RG: That’s true, they don’t have to get up the next day do they?

H: (laughing) No… well… I better skip onto the Twitter questions ’cause I think we’re running out of time, ’cause I know you like Twitter. It’s funny how the media seemed to jump onto the fact that you leaving is now a backlash against Twitter.

RG: I love that! All I did… I mean I didn’t even know they were listening. I think I did two twitters was it? Or three?

H: I don’t know, I only heard about it after you left.

RG: I think I did two twitters, one was saying “Hi, they want me to tweet – I’m just testing it.” The second one was something like, “I went for a run.” The third one was, “I’m quitting Twitter because I don’t see the point.” It’s nothing against Twitter, I think it makes sense for young folk, the social networking and having a hobby. For someone in my position it was slightly undignified, it was getting close to living your life like an open wound. As far as celebrities chatting to each other in public, it’s like showing off.

H: It does mean that you’re now in the same exclusive club as Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter.

RG: What happened there?

H: Well she… I dunno… she was a big user and then she left, so now you’re featured in articles alongside her.

RG: I think you’ll find that the biggest proportion of the world don’t Twitter, so I’m in a not very exclusive club. I think you’ll probably find that 5.5 billion people don’t Twitter (laughs).

H: They don’t matter though, that’s the thing.

RG: Well OK yeah, I suppose the subset is people who did Twitter once now don’t any more.

H: Well there you go.

RG: I don’t know how many people of those there are, but I’m in that club yeah.

H: Maybe just two or three.

RG: What if I Twitter again? Then I’ll be in the club of people that don’t Twitter, do Twitter, don’t Twitter, DO Twitter. So now I’m really narrowing down the amount of people who’ve done that. So I might do one Twitter saying, “I’m Twittering again.” Then another one going, “No, only joking.”

H: Well, we’re transcending many levels of reality here.

RG: That’ll probably just be me in that club then.

H: Well if you do it enough times, yeah.

RG: Exactly.

H: The first question I got was, [@the28wall] “Can we expect any more audiobooks and podcasts from you and the lads any time soon?”

RG: Err, yes, there’s one out today.

H: Yeah, to be honest I knew the answer.

RG: Oh, you were setting me up for a plug.

H: No. Well, yes, basically. That was an actual question though.

RG: That’s the last one for a long time, that’s number 10 of our ‘Guides to‘. The Guide to the Human Body. Oh no! The last one is in a month’s time, and that’s The Guide to the Earth. This is number 9, and number 10 will be the last one for a while.

H: There’s a question from David Schneider, he says, [@davidschneider] “Can I have some of your money?”

RG: Err…

H: That’s David Schneider the comedian.

RG: Yes he can. But in a very roundabout way.

H: How would he…?

RG: Well because I donate 40% of all my money to the Inland Revenue, and they go towards building roads and hospitals and the police force. So if he ever calls a policeman to come round, then in a way, I’ve paid for a bit of that.

H: You’ve not started to keep your money offshore to avoid that sort of thing then?

RG: No.

H: That’s good of you, you’re giving something back.

RG: I’ve buried it all and bought a gun.

H: Are you going to guard that every night?

RG: Exactly, yeah

H: There’s another one, this says, [@delphatic] “Would you think of producing something like The 11 O’Clock Show so you could help other fledgling comedians make a break?”

RG: I probably wouldn’t, but you never know. Myself and Stephen are doing a bit of extra-curricular talent spotting and executive producing. We’re sending Karl [Pilkington] around the world at the moment for a programme for Sky 1 called Seven Wonders, we’re behind the scenes on that. We’re also developing a new show with Warwick Davis called Life’s Too Short.

H: Very clever title.

RG: Yeah, which is fantastic. So yeah, I suppose we’re being a bit Simon Cowell on the side, and we do it with American Office as well. That’s purely a sort of production/business mogul type venture. So yeah, it’s not out of the question.

H: OK, this is a question from Richard Herring (the comedian).

RG: It’s not really – this is not really from Dave Schneider and Richard Herring?

H: Oh yeah – they’re on Twitter. That’s the genius you see.

RG: Oh alright, OK.

H: Richard Herring says, [@Herring1967] “Can I have a million pounds please?”

RG: (laughs) Erm… err… oh dear… oh dear…Well, I think the honest answer is “no”, and the dishonest answer is “yes”.

H: Right, OK, that’s fair enough.

RG: I’ve covered my bases I think there.

H: [Agreeing] So you’ve got everything. The last question is from Dom Joly who says, [@domjoly] “Can you lend me some money?” There seems to be a theme here.

RG: There seems to be a theme here of other comedians pointing out that I’m richer than them, and I think implicit in that, is that I don’t deserve it (laughs).

H: Do you think they begrudge you? Is that what you’re saying?

RG: Well they’re all very funny, and thank them very much for their questions. They’re all rich! Don’t believe the hype! They’re all rich.

H: Richard Herring stays in Travel Inns.

RG: They’re rolling in it. They’re trying to keep their street cred – I lost mine. I lost mine ages ago. But then I had it more than them for the first 36 years of my life (laughs).

H: So you think it’s levelling out now?

RG: Yeah, exactly. My poverty was extensive, so over the years I reckon they’re richer than me; if it’s in how much money you’ve had divided by the number of years you’ve lived.

H: I accept that, that’s good maths. I think that’ll do.

The Invention of Lying is released on Blu-Ray and DVD on 1st February

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YouTube phenomenons come and go like sailors, but The Brett Domino Trio are different.

We know this because we sent Keith Emmerson to meet the boys behind the keytar. Due to the wonder of technology, after the jump you can find out all about the genesis of the band, their appearance on Britain’s Got Talent, right the way up to what the future has in store.

So make yourself a nice cup ‘o tea, put your feet up, and discover the mythical and legendary men that combine to create (two thirds of) the Brett Domino Trio…

Also, coming up later this week: a competition to win the only physical copy of the Brett Domino Trio’s Christmas single IN THE WORLD (for the moment).

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Remember that new E4 show Misfits we previewed a few weeks back?

No? Well, it’s become quite popular with everyone apart from you apparently.

We sent our very own bumbling reporter Keith Emmerson to meet a few members of the cast who turn out to be much more charming than their characters…

Hey! So you’ve seen American Pie, right? Yeah. So you’ve seen American Pie 2 too right? Of course you have. And then American Pie 3: The Wedding was a must, because of the high jinx.

Then you might as well watch American Pie 4: Band Camp, probably something about phallic instruments in that. And then there was number 5: The Naked Mile, and 6: Beta House. Can you imagine the raucous and outrageous behaviour that must have occurred in those two? We can’t, it’s just too much.

If you’re one of the 1% in the free world who can imagine that level of tomfoolery without your frontal lobes wandering off to the land of spontaneous outbursts, then you’re in for a treat. American Pie 7: The Book of Love! Don’t worry, Jim’s Dad is still in it as the cool, awkward, bit creepy sex guru. Not only that!!! Louisa Lytton is in it too! What? Yeah, she’s the one from EastEnders and The Bill. The trailer is after the jump. It gets better if you watch it when you’re drunk (that’s a lie)…

Fortune has favoured us yet again at Hecklerspray Towers – we can bring you another celebrity interview.

This time it’s the rather fascinating and friendly Mr Dom Joly of Trigger Happy TV and Dom Joly’s Happy Hour fame.

Our almost fearless reporter Keith Emmerson met up with him in a nice little pub somewhere near Westminster to talk about what he’s been up to, his plans for a comedy Al-Qaeda, and some Radio Four-esque discussion about that annoying mobile phone man. After the jump, people. After the jump…

A new E4 series called Misfits you say? About a group of young delinquents doing community service?

We’ve not been this put off a new TV series since the Bad Girls pilot. In fact, the likelihood of a good series coming from E4 is akin to that of finding a hen’s tooth, or Tess Daly‘s soul.

Imagine the disquiet and shock which consumed us when we saw the first episode of this teen-insert genre here and discovered it’s actually quite good. Maybe Tess Daly has a soul after all.*

To get the comparison cliché out of the way, Misfits can be best described as Dead Set meets Heroes meets Shameless. There’s certainly a comic book feel to it à la Heroes, despite writer Howard Overman maintaining ignorance of the illustration laden literature.

In this television programme, a number of actors pretend to possess a different personality to their own, in a number of staged situations and circumstances. Their words are also not their own, they are given to them beforehand by the aforementioned writer, Howard Overman. In the opening episode this group of young, mostly unknown actors pretend to perform manual tasks in order to fulfil the community service aspect of their respective characters’ sentencing. An artificially created storm interrupts them, and through a combination of wind, rain, and CG effects, they are struck by lightning. None of them are harmed – on the contrary, they awake with some super powers. They are bestowed with the ability to hear thoughts, turn back time, become invisible, and to instil in people an intense sexual desire.

This wee acting conglomerate is lead by Robert Sheehan, a young Irishman best known for his role as BJ in the excellent Red Riding series. Robert (or Nathan, as he purports to be in this) provides plentiful comic relief in the Irish craic style popularised by Les Dennis‘ impression of Graham Norton in Extras.

In series such as this or Heroes, realism and grittiness are highly sought-after commodities. Such things are mostly unobtainable in a fantasy scenario such as this, so a substantial amount of credit is due to this relatively inexperienced writer. Howard has also successfully captured the often foul dialogue of teenagers while retaining enough clarity in order for it to be understood by a wider audience.

An impressive social media campaign will be running alongside the series to both accompany and expand on the story arc via Twitter, Facebook and YouTube etc. To make this worthwhile to viewers, those who pay close attention will be rewarded with a character who won’t be revealed on TV till episode six, amongst other things.

All in all, this looks set to be one of those popular ones.

Misfits starts on E4 on Thurs Nov 12 at 10pm

*She doesn’t.

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In the build up to the launch of vampire drama True Blood on Channel 4, hecklerspray’s Keith Emmerson caught up with the defiantly charming and ruggedly handsome Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill Compton) to discover the man behind the vampire.

We are also reassuringly told that he could kill Robert Pattinson if he had to. If you didn’t catch the first episode on Channel 4, it’s available on 4OD – watch it.

Video after the jump!

True Blood, Wednesdays, 10pm on Channel 4. For more information, please click here.

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“We’ll always be together. Together in electric dreams.” Or at least that’s what renowned fibbers Giorgio Moroder and Philip Oakey would have us believe.

Electric Dreams also happens to be the name of a new three-part series which, combined with some other technology focused programmes, creates the Electric Revolution season on what is the UK’s last beacon of hope in this multi-channel revolving pit of despair, BBC Four.

Together in Electric Dreams was of course a track from a film of the same name in which a lonely architect takes the advice of his new computer to plan and execute the murder of his new neighbour, while listening to synthesizer-based music. Unfortunately this isn’t a TV serialisation of the film, but instead transforms the house of a technologically dependant family into that of a 70s household, then 80s, then 90s. We mentioned it was in three parts.

The Sullivan-Barnes family are drip fed bits of tech by a trio of experts; one of which is Twitter’s very own Gia Milinovich. She is introduced as a technology journalist and computer expert, though the latter obviously isn’t true as she can be seen tapping away at the keyboard of a Mac.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that you’ve heard of, or maybe even seen this premise before, that’s because you have. Adam Buxton & Joe Cornish created The 1980s House as part of The Adam & Joe Show in 2001, and they are exceptionally similar.

There is a mixture of despair and excitement from the double-barrelled family as they enter their Life on Mars-ed house. The excitement element soon subsides as the mother struggles to comprehend the kitchen and lack of gadgets therein. As she laments the presence of a basic electric hob and absent dishwasher, it becomes clear to the viewer that it is no worse than the average student’s food preparation room.

There’s also the faint smell of collusion as the arrival of a Teasmade provokes confusion and an apparent inability to recognise something they almost certainly would have been aware of during their formative years.

Nonetheless, they immerse themselves in the 70s and its idiosyncrasies including black & white television, cars without wing mirrors, and ketchup that comes in glass bottles. Crazy. If nothing else good comes of this, at least 13-year-old Hamish discovered the concept of tangible music ownership. His first experience of handling vinyl has set him on a path of purchasing music on physical formats rather than stupid mp3, I’m sure David Quantick would approve.

The mother also gets into the swing of things by romanticising the prospect of striking her child, but concludes that she probably shouldn’t. This is reassuringly further reinforced by the father, who reminds her that she definitely shouldn’t; the NSPCC can relax. That clip is currently available to view on iPlayer by clicking on this word. While correctly suggesting that the 70s was a golden era for child abuse, she forgets that it was also a time when women should be seen and not heard, and with good reason if she is anything to go by.

The Electric Revolution season is worth watching for its nostalgia value alone, you can find out all about it on the BBC website.

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FlashForward is Channel 5′s hot new US TV show that literally some people are talking about.

The writers of FlashForward came up with the idea while cleaning their kitchen surfaces and thought to themselves, “Goodness! I wish I could fast-forward this arduous task!” A two minute pause followed. “Hold on…Flash kitchen cleaner, Fast-Forward…..FlashForward!”

Handily, that’s also the premise of this new Lost-esque sort of sci-fi, but definitely action/drama, genre series.

Everyone across the world loses consciousness for two minutes, sees a glimpse of their future, and then wakes up. The writers decided not to wake up, but instead bring FlashForward to the present for us all to see, signal permitting, on Five.

Joseph Fiennes plays serious agent Mark Benford of the F-ing B.I. It’s not all plain sailing though we’re afraid; he’s also a recovering alcoholic. Jack “For everything else there’s Mastercard” Davenport is also starring, along with Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. A veritable feast of people you sort of recognise but aren’t really sure why.

In reality, it is safe to say that most people would wake up from this two-minute premonition with their face in jelly, on their keyboard, or on the floor of WH Smiths. But in US TV world, most if not all aeroplanes have fallen from the sky, Big Ben’s clock face is on fire for no discernible reason, and yet we bet the bloody X Factor would still be on.

If you already watch Five’s only decent programme (that’s The Gadget Show, not Fort Boyard), FlashForward is on immediately afterwards, so you might as well watch it, eh?

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Sixty-seven miles up Millbank Tower, and after many glasses of champagne, a playboy comedian/presenter is announcing the phone that might just save Motorola’s bacon.

Nearby tech journalists were none the wiser as to whom this man was, yet they still rejected our theory that it could be Dave Berry. However, simply asking one of the PR people, and waiting for them to ask another PR person was all we had to do to discover that he was none other than Big Brother’s Big Mouth’s Jeff Leach.

We took Jeff aside for five minutes to reflect on the event and ask what he’d been up to. While not currently a Motorola customer, Jeff was pleased at the news that he was to receive a new Dext handset as part of his fee – not too shabby when combined with the free drinks.

As a seemingly intelligent young man, we asked him to describe how he could be involved with that cesspool of all TV programmes Big Brother and still look at himself in the mirror. “It’s a guilty pleasure” he explained, “I don’t like any of them.”

Big Brother fans are apparently a fanatical and incestuous bunch, “When I did Celebrity Scissorhands I’d see the same people coming to watch.”

As we pointed out the grey, empty lives these people must lead, Jeff was insistent in his judgement that “they’re alright.”

Maybe so. Keen to highlight his acting credentials, Jeff told us about a pilot for BBC3 called Biosphere (possibly wrong spelling). Obviously the fact that BBC3 is involved doesn’t fill one with confidence, but it might be good, who knows.

Leaving Jeff to converse with his many lady fans we decided to take a look at this Android-based smartphone. Facebook, Twitter, and all of that constant chatter is piped directly to the homescreen courtesy of the new MotoBlur system. It also means you can get Hecklerspray’s RSS feed right in front of your eyes, all of the time – if there was ever a reason to buy a phone this must be it.

If that wasn’t enough, you can also catch up with the last episode of Doctors on the iPlayer app, and it makes and receives phone calls.

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You may have thought recently “Whatever happened to Pat Sharp?” And then you may have remembered “Oh yeah, he’s on the radio. All the blinking time.”

But what about Melanie and Martina Grant, the twins from his legendary gameshow Fun House? Where are they? Well, they’re right here, along with Pat Sharp who we really can’t seem to get rid of. We’ve only flipping interviewed the three of them! At once!

What are Melanie and Martina doing now? Did they ever get it on with Pat Sharp? Did Pat Sharp base his haircut on Jesus? It’s all there, in video form, after the jump…

We caught up with Pat Sharp and the Fun House twins at the launch of 1 vs. 100 on Xbox LIVE.

1 vs. 100 is the latest innovative experience to come to Xbox LIVE and is a fully interactive version of the hit TV quiz show with real prizes to be won. Xbox LIVE is the ever expanding world of the best entertainment spanning HD movies, music and games, and connects you to your friends wherever they are, all via your Xbox 360 console.

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Every now and then we like to catch a virus just to mix things up a bit and remind our immune system that it still has a role to play in our continuing existence.

To keep things interesting, given that it is summer; we decided to go with the common cold. As males we know how devastating this can be, with days of unrelenting torment and an extra 15 minutes added to getting up rituals spent futilely pumping enough drugs and various homeopathic remedies into our bodies until we feel we can connect with the outside world.

We decided to hold on to this condition even for the duration of the maiden episode of Charlie Brooker‘s new vehicle which broadcasts tonight on Channel 4. That’s how brave we are.

For the dwindling percentage of you who are unaware of who this burgeoning legend is, we shall spoil you with a quick biography. Charlie began as a writer for PC Zone, the best (and possibly only) PC gaming mag at the time. Via various other endeavours including a website called TVGoHome he ended up as a columnist for The Guardian with a TV review section called Screen Burn.

This and his similarly named BBC4 show Screenwipe sees him scouring the airwaves for poor television and pulling it apart with his incisive and merciless wit. However, unlike us lowlifes, he precludes himself from the “oh it’s easy to criticise but not so easy to do” whiny bollocks because he does actually craft TV programmes too. He co-wrote Nathan Barley with Chris Morris, and was the creator of E4′s Big-Brother-zombie-horror-mini-series Dead Set.

His new show, You Have Been Watching, is somewhat of a departure from the norm for him then as it’s a quiz/panel type show. Not entirely. As the title might suggest, Charlie and his guests watch clips from current television programmes and critique them, and occasionally they might answer questions on them. Charlie provides his trademark polemic voiceovers during the clips which are very much in the style of Screenwipe, so you can rest assured that he hasn’t strayed too far from home.

His guests on tonight’s show are Richard Herring, Jamelia, and Rufus Hound. Funnily enough, the show was originally scheduled to be pre-watershed, but unfortunately the low cut of Jamelia’s top pushed it right back to 10pm. She may strike one as an odd choice for a panel otherwise occupied by comedians, but the girl done good (she did ok).

Tonight’s episode is worth watching for the clips of Deadliest Warrior if nothing else, that and so you can find out what a ‘one show face’ is.

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