While Arnold Schwarzenegger sits in an unlit room, weeping over a photograph of the family he tore to pieces like a baddie in a blockbuster, we’ve all been wondering what the fresh hell Mildred ‘Patty’ Baena has to say about her secret love-child with the former governor of California.
She’s been showing a rare, dignified silence whilst working out who was going to pay her the most money to talk about the time Arnie forgot to pop a condom on.
And now, Schwarzenegger’s former housekeeper has decided to speak up about it all, noting that she only told her son who daddy was about a year ago, which is nice isn’t it?
So, Patty Baena has been keeping something of a low profile since a tabloid feeding pool went nutso about Arnie’s infidelity. It seems everyone has had something to say about it while she sat gawping at her son, muttering ‘Jesus. He really does look like him these days. The poor sod.’
All the while, Arnold’s marriage, a quarter of a century long, imploded with his wife Maria Shriver, feeling stupid for ever trusting him in the first place.
In an interview published by Howdy! magazine, Baena said that, when she told him who his real father was, he simply said:
“Cool!”
We assume he then ran to his room, told all his mates from school and then realised that his identity crisis was about to engulf him and tap into great reserves of melancholy, which could easily be fixed by huge sums of money from a certain star of Terminator.
Patty wasn’t actually sure that Arnie was the father, but she started to see a resemblance as Joseph grew older.
“It became more apparent as time went on. I knew Arnold was the father, and maybe as Joseph got older and began to look like him, he (Arnold) wondered. But he never said anything to me.”
Of course he didn’t. He’s a cowardly piss of a man. Still, at least Maria Shriver was a little stronger. See, Patty says that Maria had her suspicions and decided to ask Baena point-blank. When she heard the truth…
“She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. We held each other and I told her it wasn’t Arnie’s fault, that it takes two.”
Well, it is fair to assume that Arnold can take at least half of the blame, unless Baena… y’know? Let’s not go there, right. That’d be a scoop though, eh? Schwarzenegger raped by feeble housekeeper would be an astonishing headline.
Oh well. That’s what we could’ve won.
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