The best thing about being super-rich is that, rather than let governments decide how to spend your tax, you can just keep hold of it, then donate some to a groovy cause, whilst getting baskets of praise and verbal fellatio for making a really exciting thing happen.
Imagine a world where we could all do that! We would look dead nice from giving money to AIDS kids, earthquake orphans and publicity-hungry slag animals. Like polar bears. The furry whores.
We wouldn't have to worry about our money helping to provide rehabilitation for murderers and young offenders.
A single mum needs a house to live in because she keeps shitting out the next generation of ASBO collectors? Let me just ring my publicist and see if we can help. He says it's definitely on if the babies are Chinese, otherwise he can arrange for her to sell her story to The Sun.
She can earn a few bob if she doesn't mind being vilified in a full-page special about how much she's costing the taxpayer. Except she's not! Because we're not paying tax anymore! we're philanthropists and society?s been privatised! So, everyone's a winner!
Paying tax is a moral duty and no-one ever thanks you for doing your duty, they thank you for presents! That's why absent dads who turn up drunk every two years clutching an Optimus Prime and a mountain bike are the best kinds of father to have!
In entirely unrelated news, we?d just like to say thanks a bunch to U2 for giving 5 million Euros to expand a pilot scheme across Ireland so that thousands of youngsters can learn to play a musical instrument. The scheme will give an estimated 10,000 youngsters the opportunity to play music for a living or even just to open their eyes to the beauty of creating.
This is all due to their generosity and a further 2 million Euros from something called the Ireland Funds. Don't worry about them though, they didn't even go through a cowboy-hat phase in the late-eighties so they have nothing to teach us.
And don’t be churlish about this news – they don’t have to give you or your children anything, and the only reason they have to publicise it is to shut all those cynics up anyway. So hecklerspray says good on yer, U2!
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