Sweet Jesus! Massive news hits hecklerspray! Angelina Jolie has gone and got herself a seventh tattoo! Imagine that! What has she got? ACAB across her knuckles? A tattoo of a Hitler moustache? A picture of a baby on her forehead?
Well, funny you should mention babies (yes, you mentioned them – not us) because Jolie has got a tattoo of some map coordinates (yes, really) just below the other six sets that represent the location where her six children will born.
Wooooo. This tattoo has clearly made her pregnant or, at more likely, plotted the part of the world where she’ll be buying a baby from which isn’t dodgy at all.
The photographs which have shown this new tattoo don’t make it easy for us to make out… well… what it actually is.
Initially, we thought that it was just a rash caused by wearing too-tight granny knickers. However, the rest of the world assures us that it is indeed a new tattoo, which is obviously incredible news for us all to digest.
Anyway, it is fair to assume these coordinates plot somewhere in North Africa where Jolie is currently visiting, salivating and weighing up a bunch of tiny brown children.
If there is another child being FedExed to the Brangelina household, s/he will have a horrifyingly packed playroom to fight their way through as it is currently inhabited by Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Vivienne, Knox and a nanny that wishes she were dead.
That poor, poor woman. Bringing up all those children on her own while Brad and Angelina swan about with their lives, cocktails, matching bathrobes, well-designed faces and cloying charity work.
They make us sick.
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