We feared this day would come and we tried to prepare for it, but it all seems so futile when presented with the horrible truth: Amy Winehouse is back in the UK.
We’re all to blame – the signs were thrust into our collective face – we were warned.
Recession? Warning. Global warming? Warning. Death of Michael Jackson? Warning. Idiotic fans of Twilight leaving semi-literate comments on hecklerspray? Warning.
We didn’t listen, we didn’t pay any attention, we let apathy win again and look where it’s left us – lumbered with that weird-looking sing-o-hag once more.
But wait – what’s this?!
Why, Amy Winehouse has apparently cleaned herself up and is back on track to making more reasonably-talented though still mind-numbingly dull music. Perfect for reams of muso-fashionista tossers to get all uppity about and re-declare her the queen of a type of music she merely emulates in a half-decent fashion.
Hecklerspray is in a hyphen-tastic mood today, it must be said.
We all hoped for the best when Amy Winehouse buggered off to the Caribbean last year. Regular readers should know that “for the best” actually means “that she wouldn’t ever come back to these shores again with her stupid hair and awful tattoos”, but then, a lot of regular readers seem to be 10-year-olds who cannot spell “I”.
Alas, it wasn’t to be, and a reportedly healthy-looking Winehouse touched down in Gatwick airport earlier.
While we did all think she’d gone even more mental over in the sunnier climes, with reports and pictures painting a poor prognosis, friends of the wailing banshee disagreed, telling The Metro:
“Reports of her partying on the island have been massively exaggerated… Amy went there with huge problems and has overcome them. She is back on track.
“She did a lot of exercise and sure she got a little drunk but that’s what you do on holiday – that’s rock’n’roll.”
Encouragingly, The Metro added:
But for most part the singer, 25, has been playing on the beaches and riding horses and even cooking her own pasta dinners.
Rock’n’roll pasta – thank shitting crikey for that.
We at hecklerspray hope that Amy Winehouse can prove to be a fine example to all those battling their inner demons, to all those who think it’s an unwinnable fight and to those who are on a constant back foot to the temptations of drink and drugs.
For you see, she has proven to everyone that it’s a simple matter of willpower, of inner strength and of proving to both yourself and the rest of the world that you can conquer anything.
That, and the ability to go on a self-imposed exile for a year to the Caribbean without having to worry about work or money while you’re there.
That part definitely helps.