Aw! Remember Amy Winehouse? She was always in the newspapers covered in bitemarks and scratches wasn’t she? We can’t remember why she became famous in the first instance. Maybe she was a tennis player or something. We genuinely can’t recall. All we know is that really boring people go to Halloween parties dressed as her.
Anyway, she could well be seen out and about covered in more worrying scratches and bite marks after it was reported that she’s made friends with a monkey.
No, not a Monkee. Peter Tork hasn’t befriended the Whatever She Is. We meant monkey. A simian. A flea-bitten ape. Anyone who points out the difference between monkeys and apes should go away and get a life.
Winehouse is still in Barbados, staying at a private villa and probably staring at her impossible gravity defying new breasts. While out there, she’s gone and made friends with an animal because, presumably, no humans like her enough to talk to her.
Apparently, Amy has been followed by the monkey for the past week. We can only hope that this is the latest ruse by a tabloid to send an uncover reporter/photographer in to get some gossip on her. Or maybe find out what it was she did which made her famous.
But if we assume that this monkey is real, as Winehouse has, she’s grown so fond of it that she wants to bring it back to the UK with her. Of course, the UK has a climate that is absolutely ideal for monkeys. Perhaps she’ll teach it how to speak and make the entire world jealous by actually having a monkey butler.
A source told The Sun newspaper:
“Amy has made friends with a monkey. It came up to her and she fed it and it’s been following her around. She’s been telling friends how much she loves it and would love to bring it back with her.”
Of course, this poor beast is doomed.
Amy is known for her fleeting love of animals. At one point she owned 11 cats. She doesn’t own them any more because she got bored of them and gave them all away. Because these mogs were trashing her house, she gave two to her goddaughter Dionne Bromfield and the rest to an animal shelter.
Or drowned them all in a bin bag loaded up with paving stones. We’ve no idea. This could all be lies for all we know and we’re certainly not prepared to check the facts.
OH! HANG ON!
She used to sing didn’t she?
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Mike says
Why act as if she doesn’t deserve to be famous or you don’t know why? Is being a musician not enough, these days? She’s not a Kardashian or something. The attitude is puzzling.
Cookie Monster says
Amy Whinehouse + a wild monkey, moving to the UK together? Why did I not think of this? Ah, my masters will be pleased, nevertheless. Those North Korean bastards beat us to it, but still, it is here! When I told them 28 Days Later could be reality, they laughed. Well, laugh no more; laugh no more.
Chief Scientist to the Office of Osama Bin Laden