American Idol had it all last night – singing, haplessly choreographed squabbling between Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell.
And an elimination. And last night Didi Benami‘s journey came to an end. Actually, no, that sounds a bit dramatic. Didi Benami’s journey hasn’t come to an end at all – she’s just been eliminated from American Idol. She’s still got to look forward to the parts of her journey where nobody recognises her and they visibly glaze over when she launches into another one of her dreary American Idol anecdotes and she spends the rest of her life depressed and alone and singing to her obviously disinterested cats.
In other American Idol news, Tim Urban hasn’t been eliminated yet. From this we can draw the conclusion that all Americans are genuine idiots.
Hopefully every current and future American Idol contestant learnt an important lesson last night. It’s a lesson so important that Didi Benami effectively sacrificed her own career to get it across. She is, in her own way, the Jesus Christ of terrible bloated televised karaoke competitions. But we digress. The lesson that Didi Benami and American Idol exhausted themselves to hit home last night was this – Fleetwood Mac are awful.
Seriously, look what happened to Didi Benami after she unveiled her worrying and unexplainable Fleetwood Mac fixation. There she was, in the bottom two with Tim Urban – Tim Urban, for crying out loud; the man who sings like a cat having its Achilles tendon snipped in half and looks like an animatronic of the middle section of the forthcoming Seven Ages Of Bieber Justin Bieber-themed amusement park – and what did she sing? Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac. For what seemed like the billionth time. Boom. Didi Benami goes home and Tim Urban lives to offend our principles for another day.
Admittedly Didi Benami’s American Idol exit wasn’t purely down to Fleetwood Mac – her cack-handed treatment of What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted should be held much more responsible. She started by treating it like a piece of on-hold telephone music, ended it with a series of blood-curdling screams that made her sound as if she was walking barefoot over a reflexology course made of acid and broken glass and bored everyone senseless in the mid-section. No wonder the inevitable American Idol elimination didn’t come as much of a surprise to her, as ABC News reports:
Benami smiled with apparent resignation after the judges declined to use their once-per-season save on her, which would keep a contestant voted out by fans in the running on the television singing contest for at least another week. On Tuesday’s competition show, the judges called her singing old-fashioned and off key, with Kara DioGuardi going so far as to say “It’s over, done girl.” And so it was.
So now that Didi Banami has gone, we’ve got next week’s American Idol to look forward to. What can we expect from it? Well, a harrowing massacre of a song we used to quite like from Tim Urban, obviously. And at some point Ryan Seacrest is going to lean over Simon Cowell’s desk in yet another toe-curling display of pseudo-aggression and what’s left of our souls will shrivel up and fall off. So that’ll be fun.
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