Under different circumstances, Peter Andre and Alex Reid would probably be the very best of friends.
They’ve got so much in common. They’re both bright orange. They’re both only famous because they managed to have sex with Jordan without crying and scratching at their genitals with paraffin-soaked sandpaper afterwards. They’re both so stupid that, if presented with a Rubik’s Cube, their first instinct would probably be to bury it in their garden and denounce it as witchcraft. See? Peter Andre and Alex Reid are basically the same person.
They’re not friends, though. That’s because Peter Andre said something nasty about Alex Reid’s marriage to Jordan, and now Alex Reid has said something nasty back. And because of that, we’ve got to put up with both of them cluelessly sniping at each other like the couple of subnormal, heat-warped Sylvester Stallone puppets that they are. Joy.
It’s time to draw a line in the sand. Are you Team Peter Andre or Team Alex Reid? Or are you part of the slightly larger third party, Team Let’s Tie Peter Andre And Alex Reid Together, Encase Them In Concrete And Kick Them Into An Abandoned Flooded Quarry Somewhere? The third one? Us too. Funny that.
But it looks like we’ll have to put up with Peter Andre and Alex Reid for a little bit longer. You see, they’re in the middle of a very important public dispute. Why? Oh, because Peter Andre drew a penis on the inside of Alex Reid’s science book, and then Alex Reid said that Peter Andre’s trainers were gay, and now Peter Andre’s getting some of the big Year 11 kids to beat him up outside the Co-Op in exchange for three packets of Monster Munch and a look at his mum’s bra. Or something. Look, do you actually care about this? You do? Fine then, here’s The Sun:
Alex Reid has hit back at Peter Andre after the Aussie branded his marriage to Jordan “a complete joke”. Alex ranted: “He is the father of two of Katie’s kids and for that reason I am not going to say too much, but it seems a bit of a coincidence that his comments come when he is promoting a new show. I think it is sad that people seem more interested in him slagging off Katie than what he is doing.”
It’s hard to know who comes off worse here, isn’t it? Is it Peter Andre for being bitter about his ex-wife’s new marriage? Is it Alex Reid for being bitter about his wife’s ex-husband? Is it us for bringing it to your attention? Or is it you for sitting there and reading about it even though you should know better?
On balance, we’re going to go with you.
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