People magazine has announced this year’s winner of the “Biggest Donation From A Publicist” award, otherwise known as the “Sexiest Man Alive.”??
It had been rumored a bit that the winner was Maroon 5 lead singer, Adam Levine.? And it has been announced that it is.? Oh People, you have gotten it so right.? So very, very right.
Except he has a shirt on.? That is wrong.? Very, very wrong.Usually the hot dude chosen for “Sexiest Man Alive” is an actor (only exception before now?was John F Kennedy Jr in 1988), but I guess People is still on it’s mission to deny the ultimate panty creamer, Ryan Gosling, his rightful title.?? That’s okay, there are more than enough?GIFs out there showing off Gosling’s sexiness that he doesn’t need any stinking tabloid cover (Note- this does not mean the internet can stop making said GIFs anytime soon.? That would be a travesty).
Now, I am not complaining about this year’s choice.? No siree.? Adam Levine is fine as fuck.? Those abs.? Those tattoos. That voice, a little high but still makes panties drop.? I enthusiastically give two thumbs up to Adam.? He has had a great year too.? His band is still selling millions of records, Levine is doing another season of The Voice, and he decided to wife up one of his many model girlfriends.? That last achievement is really impressive because they not only broke up last year, but he started banging her friend right afterwards.? That just shows how amazing Adam Levine is.? He can be a total scumbag, and yet ladies want him to put a ring on it.
Levine also strokes the balls of the publishers of the magazine by comparing winning this pony show to winning a highly coveted music award.
“As a musician, you have fantasies that you want to win Grammys, but I didn’t really think that this was on the table.? I was just amazed and stunned and it almost seemed like they were kidding, but they weren’t, so that’s cool.”
I am going to go with most little boys don’t dream of being named Sexiest Man Alive because there is really not much hard work involved.? You have to just look good and suck enough publicity dick.? Shit, you don’t even always have to be good looking (I am side eyeing you, Bradley Cooper) or that talented (eh hem, Harry Hamlin.? WTF was up with that year?).? But Levin knows better than to bite the hand that feeds him grapes and even more model titties (engagement ring or not, you know he’s still?tapping some ass..Secretly).
There are a couple of other smoking dudes on the list.? Justin Timberlake.? Idris Elba. Chris Pine.? All totally talented and dream worthy choices.? People also for some reason has those weird Canadian brothers from HGTV, which I don’t fully get.? They host a mediocre scripted home improvement show, and the one brother is rocking some highlights like it’s still 2003.? They also have Ronan Farrow, who, while pretty hot,?they even admit is only known because his ho mom came out and said he might be Frank Sinatra’s son and not Woody Allen’s.? Hmm, Daddy is either a mob affiliated drunk or a pedophilic weirdo who married his step daughter.? Either way, Ronan is totally a winner!
Ok, enough about the other guys.? Let’s remind everyone what is really important.
Let’s be real.? While he did get gipped again, even Ryan Gosling has to admit that losing to Levine really isn’t that unfair.