Adam Levine Is Legally A Husband

Adam Levine Behati PrinslooEternally disappointing fellow bony hip humper, Leonardo DiCaprio, Adam Levine went ahead this weekend and married one of the many models he’s bedded.  Even after having the skim milk, some guys do end up still wanting to buy the skinny cow.

Most surprising of all though was that Levine managed to make it all the way down the aisle without tripping and landing inside one of the Victoria’s Secret model bridesmaids.   Snaps to that, Adam.

A few years ago, after dumping girlfriend Behati Prinsloo, Adam Levine immediately began banging a fellow model friend of hers, before breaking up with said friend by pressing the “ignore” button on his iPhone, all so he could go back to banging Behati and quickly putting a ring on her finger.  So, was it really any surprise that people didn’t 100% believe Adam would actually end up marrying Prinsloo?

But he proved the doubters wrong, and the two tied the knot this past weekend.  Showing how seriously they are taking this lifelong commitment of marriage, Levine and Prinsloo had the squishy King of Douche, Jonah Hill, officiate the ceremony.  For those confused, Shia LaBeouf is the hippie KoD, while Justin Bieber is the toddler KoD.

The couple had Stevie Nicks, Sublime, and of course Maroon 5 there to perform, because when would Adam not cash in on an opportunity to remind all the ladies that he is a soprano voiced sexpot?  But showing that she is just as much of an attention seeking whore as her new husband, Prinsloo actually sang a song as well.  Behati serenaded Levine publicly with Bright Eyes’ “First Day of My Life” which proves to me even without audio that Prinsloo is a terrible singer.

They did have an ice cream bar, which is awesome, though sources say it was an organic crunchy hippie type one.  So I expect the topping options for the wheatgrass coconut milk vanilla sundaes were more likely flax seed and tofu than Whoppers and Nutella.

Congratulations to the currently happy couple.  Let’s hope they manage to last longer than a Kim Kardashian wedding, though I don’t see Prinsloo putting up with Adam’s inevitably wandering dick for as long as Beyoncé does with Jay.

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