You could say many things about Elton John – most notably that he’s a fat wizened trend-parasite whose last record to approach anything short of ‘listenable’ was spewed out roughly thirty years ago. You couldn’t, however, accuse the tubby git of keeping a low profile.
After this years Live 8 appearance (the peculiar spectacle of a man who used to spend £25,000 a week on flowers telling the public exactly how over-privileged they are), Elton has decided to stretch his flabby horizons and dive into the wonderful world of TV.
Yes, folks. Prepare yourselves for Him And Us – a sitcom "based on the lives of rock ‘n’ rolls pals Mick Jagger, David Bowie and Rod Stewart."
It details the exploits of the entourage to superstar rock idol – sigh – Max Flash and his ever-so-hilarious weekly shenanigans. You don’t really need hecklerspray to fill in the blanks here – this sounds so 1980’s ITV it might as well feature Freddie Starr. And if you do need hecklerspray to fill in the blanks for you, may we suggest that you go and take a nice long lie down?
As ever, Elton (CDs) used this announcement to shoehorn in a few details about what a wonderful human being he is. "I’m fifteen years sober today," he flapped from beneath his many chins. "That’s changed my life. The energy that I used to spend doing drugs and everything, I [now] spend doing great things."
Ironic, really. Because – to most sane individuals – even the merest snippet of an Elton John record is enough to send them into a heroin-jabbing spiral of self-abuse. Let’s face it: there’s nary a human alive who wouldn’t rather tear off their own face during a hellish acid trip than subject themselves to Candle In The Wind one more time.
"I have the most fantastic life," Elton mewled. "I really love it so much."
Christ. Someone has to, we suppose.
Read more:
Elton Plans Sitcom – Breaking News
[story by C J Davies]