People are idiots. You’d be amazed at the amount of money that some companies can reel in just by convincing the people at home that their favourite celebrity simply can’t live without Albert Bartlett Rooster potatoes.
The stars might get a big fat wad of cash in return, but when you’re raking in the green as it is, do you really need to be filmed telling the whole world about your preferred brand of a panty liner? It would be weird if one of your closest friends tried to sell you on the merits of various sanitary towels, let alone if some glamorous stranger tried to convince you.
Some endorsements are living, breathing proof that if you throw enough money at a famous person, they’ll say whatever you want them to.
Eva Longoria for Sheba
You wouldn’t expect an advert for cat food to be quite so…sensual. The whole thing looks like it was all a rouse by the guys at the ad agency to get Eva Longoria to gyrate around a luxury sitting room in a silky dress, then they threw in the cat at the end as an afterthought so they wouldn’t get fired.
Maria Sharapova for Sugarpova
For someone who has made her fortune being fit – in every sense of the word – you’d think someone in tennis star Maria Sharapova’s posse would point out that launching her own line of sugary sweet junk food might not sit well with the general public. At least somebody stepped in before she legally changed her own last name to ‘Sugarpova’ – now that’s a commitment to endorsements.
JLS for Durex Condoms
If you’re reading this from outside the UK, JLS are an X-Factor boyband that were reasonably successful for a few years. With great power comes great responsibility, and the group decided they would use their new found success to make sure that people wrapped it before they tapped it with a line of ‘Just Love Safe’ condoms. Whilst this is pretty admirable, it also opens them up to a whole world of contraception related jokes: “Making JLS endorse condoms is like making Stevie Wonder endorse reading glasses”, being a personal favourite.
Marcia Cross for Albert Bartlett Rooster Potatoes
There must have been some kind of sweepstakes going around the Desperate Housewives staff room to see who could be the face of the most mundane household object. Unless Teri Hatcher is working on a deal for loft insulation, Marcia Cross may have cleaned up with her endorsement for red potatoes. Thankfully, they didn’t take themselves too seriously and the ad actually came out pretty funny. It’s more memorable than prancing around a living room anyway.
Alessandra Ambrosio for Always Maxi Pads
I get it, every woman needs to buy them, so why not get a famous woman to do it? Here’s the thing – sanitary towels will never be glamorous – it doesn’t matter if you name them the ‘platinum collection’ and get a gorgeous Victoria’s Secret model to parade up and down in front of your logo in a slutty sixteen year old girl’s prom dress, nothing’s gonna change that.
Danny Trejo for Old El Paso
I feel like the first person to suggest hiring him was looked at as a tiny bit racist.
Johnny Rotten for Country Life Butter
There’s something incredibly sad about knowing what kind of butter a punk icon likes to put on his crumpets. It ruins their image to be seen bothering with such trivial things as condiments. You want to imagine that Johnny Rotten just bites straight into the packet, plastic packaging and all, chews loudly with his mouth hanging open and then spits the majority of it on to a Union Jack. Thinking of Johnny Rotten buying butter is like thinking about Iggy Pop buying car insurance…