When people have good news to announce, they are usually bubbling with excitement and oozing with joy to share the information with others. Of course, we felt a little bit giddy when friend of the family and idol to a few hundred people rang us up. Using these exact words, 50 Cent or ?centy? as we call him said.
?Yippity yo yo yo you fly party gangsters. Just wanna hit you guys up and let you know I got some shit-hot information for ya?ll to download in your tiny mind. Later, peace out?.
Actually, that is a bit of a lie, we didn't speak to 50 Cent. However, when we found out that he did have something to announce, our hearts did leap in to our mouths. Would he raise the bar and be one of the first rappers who pump out generic rap guff to call it a day and retire to one of his 482 mansions with all his ho?s? Sadly for us, he announced the exact opposite.
Don't get us wrong, we hold no personal grudges against Mr. 50 Cent. we're sure he's a lovely man, would lend you some money in a game on Monopoly if you were going bankrupt and definitely swap football stickers with your kids. But talk about flogging his line of work to death again and again. We can't go roughly one minute or so without an utterance of a swearword or something to do with ?tapping that ass?.
As a mainstream rapper, fans of the genre are presented with a number of fellow stars who pretty much spit out the same sounding rhymes. Even the videos to accompany the songs are generic. Throw in a stupidly expensive looking car, an oversized necklace that amazingly doesn't pull down it's wearer due to its gravitational force and some woman shaking her boot-ay, wearing just a tie to cover whatever is left of her already destroyed soul and modesty. Speaking to the Belfast Telegraph, our old mucker 50 Cent said about retirement:
?I don’t think I’ll retire – I think you should look forward to me going behind the scenes more, I still have passion for music. The music business itself has changed. If you can’t figure out how to develop the brand extension and opportunities that allow you to build up the marketing dollar, I don’t see how you can continue to be a superstar.?
At the moment, 50 Cent is still banging out plenty of tunes about all his various party antics and never ending name drops of products. It's almost like he wants these companies to send him some free samples or something. Current songs generally go like:
It's Friday night,
I'm feeling all right,
Gonna pull in to a club and find me a lady but nothing to samey,
I've pretty done all the whores in town,
Just let me get my shit in case I get hit and all sorts of crap goes down,
If my crew ain't around I might need to run through town with my new white Nike?s on.
However, if 50 Cent decides to keep on rapping ’til he's a crinkly pensioner and is living in a care home, we feel that his output might differ dramatically:
Oh bollocks, its 10.30am,
It looks like I shit the bed again,
Where?s the nurse with the meds?
My piss bag is full and its typical that no-one?s come to visit again.
Sign us up for the ninety eighth release from 50 Cent when he reaches the ripe old age of 92. We hear that it's been given the working title, ?hold on to your flaps?.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter