There are lots of good reasons to hate 50 Cent.
Possibly because his 'rapping' sounds like a drunken Yorkshireman slurring into a multi-storey car park tannoy. Or maybe because his thuggish, ill-educated demeanour is inspiring an entire generation of Chav half-wits to 'Get rich or die trying,' even though the actual likelihood is that they'll 'get a job as a Wetherspoons bouncer and die at 38 from eating too many Big Macs.'
American Christian Group The Resistance ('resistance' to logic, reason and scientific progress, presumably) hate old 50 for entirely different reasons, though. Apparently they're a bit peeved off that he insists on wearing a big gold cross around his neck.
The best part of all of this? They've 'ordered' him to take it off. Now … while we've established that, here at hecklerspray, we're not the biggest 50 Cent fans in the world, we'd also bear it in mind that the man's a musclebound Neanderthal who has survived being gunned down by approximately six million bullets. The only way we'd be issuing Fiddy orders is from inside a tank. With a special rubbish-hip-hop star-proof armoured coating.
Resistance founder Mark Dice preaches that:
"50 Cent is not Christian and if you listen to his lyrics it becomes clear that he is more of a Satanist than anything. He is defaming the cross and committing blasphemy by wearing it while he raps about killing people for no reason… I think a large diamond studded platinum satanic pentagram would be a little more fitting."
Good thing that the Church has got its priorities right, eh? You'd think in our ever-more-secular age these religious buffoons would be trying to repair the damage done by, say, all those legions of convicted Catholic priests and their cheeky predilection for molesting young boys?
Nah! Apparently the real danger to the Jesus Squad stems from a Reebok-sponsored dimwit who – along with waste-of-oxygen Pete Doherty – has possibly carved the most successful career out of the most mediocre body of music in the history of popular culture.
And that Pentagram thing just wouldn't work. Remember, guys: the Devil has all the best tunes.
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