It’s 1999 And There Is A Boy Band Beef Brewing

Nick Lachey BravoNick Lachey was on a late night talk show (on cable, nothing fancy) still trying to bring some relevance to himself.  Since he doesn’t get enough attention for hosting a mediocre singing competition, he decided to drudge up a little decades old fight between his band and another shitty ass group of has beens.

Oh, and I take back the line about the competition being mediocre.  Have you guys heard Pentatonix?  That a capella shit is my jam.

So Nick Lachey was on Watch What Happens Live, which is Andy Cohen’s show on Bravo.  It’s actually pretty funny most of the time, and Cohen does manage to get some pretty A-list celebs on there.  Usually they all pile themselves with a shit ton of booze and lose a bit of their stick up the assness.  And sometimes when we’re lucky, someone gets a little loosey goosey with their gums and flap out some juicy tid bits of gossip.

So Andy Cohen asked Nick which boy band he thought was lamest back in the day.  Of course, Lachey couldn’t say “98 Degrees” because truth hurts.  But before Lachey could give an answer, Cohen basically gave it for him by calling out 5ive, a British band formed by Simon Cowell who had like one song before disappearing.  Coincidentally, that just happened to be the same group Lachey was going to name.

“We had a big time beef with those guys. [In 1998] we were on the Smash Hits tour in the U.K. with a bunch of pop groups at the time, and 5ive for whatever reason just had it out for us. We used to battle every night.”

In case you can’t immediately recall the name of a one hit wonder band, here’s a picture:

5ive

And if you still can’t remember them, shame on you.  “Baby When the Lights Go Out” was a fucking classic.

Hmm, well I wouldn’t really call grown ass men whining about old fights from their heyday as dancing Teen Bop royalty juicy gossip.  Like what kind of fights could a bunch of dudes who sang in harmony and did in sync Tootsie Rolls really have?  I imagine it was probably like a much less sexy version of Step Up.  Hip hop artists and rappers from the 90s?  I believe they battled (RIP Tupac and Biggie).  But boy banders who would give their respectability to get half the fan base of either N’SYNC or BSB? Puh-lease.

One of the members of 5ive heard about this, most likely immediately due to the fact that after years of silence, their Google Alert on themselves finally went off and it was like giving a steak to a starving wolf.  Abz Love (Yes, that is his dumbass name) did a little video for TMZ where he explained that the whole thing started when they decided to make fun of guys who get their band names permanently tattooed on them.

 “Me and J were talking about who in the hell gets their band name tattooed on themselves and concluded they must all be jockstraps!”

Oooo jockstraps?!?  This beef is getting serious, ya’ll!   Abz Love also said 98 Degrees sucked then and probably still do.  Now, while I agree their music still kind of sucks, I *did* see them last year on their concert tour with other wrinkly balled men still trying to be a boy band, and I have to admit- I’d still bang Nick Lachey.  When his shirt is off, I couldn’t care less that what is coming out of his mouth.  Now any member of 5ive (who by the way apparently now only has four members?)?  None of them really do it for me.

I wonder what the next move will be in this chess game.  Will there be a diss song?  A sing off a la Pitch Perfect? The 14 year old girl in me can only hope.

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