You'd think that Kevin Federline would be busy caring for his wife Britney Spears and new baby Sutton Pierce, or at least thinking up more stupid SP-initialled names for when Britney has another baby in less than a year, but no.
You see, Kevin Federline has more on his mind than just his blinding ability to increase the world's proportion of wealthy young rednecks – Kevin Federline also has his burgeoning music career to think of, and seems to have come up with the world's most pointlessly inept publicity stunt to help him along. Kevin Federline knows that every time he opens his mouth to rap the planet becomes 10% less nice to live in, so – knowing that music alone won't help him – Kevin Federline is offering his fans something special to try and convince them to buy his dodgy new album: a chance to win a manky old pair of his shoes.
Now that Britney Spears has finally given birth to her baby boy and named it Sutton Pierce and everything's great, Kevin Federline has got a window of roughly three weeks before he's back on 'knocking up Britney Spears' duty again, so he needs to move fast. There's no time to put the finishing touches to the movie script he's written about himself, or remind himself how hard it is being married to Britney Spears – Kevin Federline has got a crappy hip-hop album to try and sell, damnit.
Playing With Fire, the bound-to-be-ridiculous new Kevin Federline album, has had a rocky conception. Initial internet leaks of Kevin Federline tracks were met with full-on hatred – even by Britney Spears, apparently – and Kevin Federline even had to invent his own record label to release his album on. But the defining moment of Kevin Federline's musical career so far has been his performance of Lose Control at the Teen Choice Awards. Even though Kevin's performance was so dreadful that we actually chewed off our own fist while we were watching it, Kevin Federline didn't think it was all that bad, and so he's preserving it in history by using the shoes he wore at the Teen Choice Awards as part of the lamest publicity stunt ever created by man.
Keen to drum up support for Playing With Fire, Kevin Federline is giving away a bunch of stuff to people who preorder the album through his official website. The first 500 preorders will get an autographed Kevin Federline headshot, and everyone who preorders Playing With Fire will enter a prize draw to win the shoes that Kevin Federline pranced about in during the Teen Choice Awards. Imagine the all-encompassing joy at discovering that you've won the very shoes that Kevin Federline was during his almost iconically terrible first public performance. Imagine it. Are you imagining it? You're not, are you? Actually try to imagine how that would feel.
OK, we're misleading you a little bit here – Kevin Federline's shoes are only the second prize in the prize draw. First prize is in fact a weekend in LA, which doesn't sound too bad until you realise that it's a trip to LA to meet Kevin Federline…
Read more:
Kevin Federline Offers Fans A Chance To Step Into His Shoes – China Daily
[story by Stuart Heritage]