This big Britney Spears post-divorce comeback that we were all promised isn't quite as amazing as we thought, considering it's mainly consisted of fainting, puking and flashing her genitals around like the mad old lady who hangs round outside Woolworths.
But Britney Spears had one big gun left in her armoury – Britney Spears wanted to announce her dramatic reappearance as a shiny happy pop person by appearing in a huge all-star TV commercial promoting the NFL Network alongside big names like L.L. Cool J and Paris Hilton. And all was going according to plan, right up until the moment that Britney Spears actually asked the NFL if she could be in the advert. Because at that point the NFL said no to Britney Spears and then called her a "train wreck." It's unknown how Britney Spears responded to this knockback, although on current form it probably involved vomiting all down her cleavage and trying to fish the lumpy bits out with a cocktail stirrer.
When Britney Spears was with Kevin Federline, it was generally assumed that K-Fed was the one holding Britney back with his badly-advised hip-hop album and his inhumanly potent semen, but now that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are getting divorced, it seems that Britney is perfectly capable of wrecking her own career thank you very much.
Whether it's by hanging out with Paris Hilton, being named as the worst-dressed woman on Earth for the second year running, covering her hand in shonky tattoos or forcing the world at gunpoint to stare at her naked flange, Britney Spears seems intent on making her career suicide nosedive more spectacularly than anyone else before her. And not even the NFL – an organisation in charge of making ludicrously padded men run for three or four seconds at a time – want anything to do with Britney Spears, as MSNBC reports:
The NFL has rejected Britney Spears' request to be in a Super Bowl commercial to tout the NFL Network, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday. "She's too much of a train wreck. Besides, we already have Paris Hilton," the Daily News cited its source as saying. The commercial will feature L.L. Cool J and country band Rascal Flatts and will be a celebrity cast of characters showing up for Chad Johnson's Super Bowl party.
And who can blame the NFL for being disinterested. After Janet Jackson thwapped her baps out at the Super Bowl in 2004, the NFL has gone out of its way to err on the side of caution – even going so far as to censor a Rolling Stones song we didn't even know was rude last year – so perhaps it was right to pass on Britney Spears, a woman with a nasty tendency to compulsively show people her front bum all the time.
Even though the inclusion of Paris Hilton in the NFL Network advert hints that the NFL wouldn't know a train wreck if one smashed through its front door, this snub will still be seen as a knock to Britney Spears' commercial credibility. Or, who knows, maybe companies will start seeing the benefits of having their products advertised by a puke-drenched mother of two staggering into a studio, waving her vagina around like a flag and then collapsing in a mess on the floor. We'd buy it.
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Jumanji says
Paris but not Britney, huh? The NFL must want people who never had a music career instead of someone that did and fucked it up
carl kessler says
we need britney to sing in the NFL