Fashion man Jeff Banks is a wily guy. So wily that supermarket giant Sainsbury have to give him a free box of truffles every week because he kicked their asses in court. As such, when Banks implies that Kate Moss couldn’t design so much as a hairnet without somebody doing it for her, we just go ahead and believe him.
On May 1, anorexic girls the land over will be queueing outside Topshop, chewing gum and glugging bottled water to be the first to get their bony hands on the Kate Moss collection: an all new assortment of high-waisted jeans, smock tops and pixie boots that may or may not have had anything to do with the undisclosed powder snorting supermodel herself. Fashion designer, confectionery fan, and co-founder of overpriced girlie paradise Warehouse, Jeff Banks, thinks not.
Jeff Banks takes time away from designing Girl Guide uniforms to explain:
“I'll bet [Kate Moss] just grabbed one of her many Prada bags, rifled through her wardrobe … and turned up at Topshop's head office in Oxford Street for a quick hour's briefing with the in-house designers and buying staff. Can Kate sharpen a pencil or draw a matchstick man? I couldn't put money on it.”
Everyone knows that the ability to draw matchstick men is of paramount importance in the fashion industry. It’s what all the models look like for starters.
Despite such concerns, a spokesperson for Topshop quickly leapt to Moss’ defence:
“Kate Moss has had a huge input in the range from every level, from the design concept of the garments to the fitting and the logo. The fashion industry may be a different place to one Jeff Banks is used to. Top designers like John Galliano don't cut patterns, they have pattern cutters. That's the industry."
Insinuating that Banks is out of touch is just plain rude. The Girl Guides are still all the rage, and they will always need clothes. Kate Moss on the other hand, all she ever does is get wasted with Pete Doherty and occasionally remind people that in 2002 she gave birth to a baby daughter.
One sure-fire way to know for definite if Moss really did design her Topshop collection or just turned up at the style meetings, waved a cigarette and mumbled ‘yeah, fine’ while texting the nanny, is whether or not she actually wears the outfits herself. ‘Cause if she does, kids, you can be damn sure she didn’t.