Most red-blooded males welcomed the news that Jennifer Aniston had split up with Vince Vaughn, since it meant the chances of them getting to be the boyfriend of the skinny unemotional one from Friends increased by 0.63%.
However, Jennifer Aniston herself has thrown that particular dream into the dumper. According to a handful of people who actually decided that being in the studio audience of the Oprah Winfrey show was a worthwhile way to spend their precious time on this planet, Jennifer Aniston herself has denied that it's over between her and Vince Vaughn. And what's more, Jennifer Aniston did this to Oprah Winfrey's face. Since we all know that you instantly turn to stone if you tell a lie to Oprah, we're mostly inclined to believe that this is the truth.
It's probably fair to say that Jennifer Aniston is the single greatest interviewee in the history of the spoken word, because you never know what bizarre crap is going to stream out of her mouth, or if – as happened in one infamous incident – Jennifer Aniston will just sit there in silence, glaring at you like the world's bitterest statue. Other times you might get luckier and Jennifer Aniston will open up and discuss how sick the Bermuda Triangle is or how she never goes to sleep or how she enjoys nothing more than screaming at the sea or how much she hates men with eye-jobs. You know, the big stuff.
But now Jennifer Aniston has something really important to talk about – whether or not she's still going out with Vince Vaughn. You'll remember that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have a relationship based on liking each other, legal drink-driving, moving into a house together, not having any babies and not being engaged you insane bull-eaters despite several reports of proposals. All that was thrown into doubt, though, when it was rumoured that Vince Vaughn had dumped Jennifer Aniston by phone last week. Thank God, then, that Jennifer Aniston went on Oprah and told her that she and Vince Vaughn were still an item, as a gaggle of frightening women in the Oprah audience told People magazine:
Aniston… said that contrary to rumour, she and Vaughn, 36, have not split (and are not engaged), audience member Rochelle Alfaro tells PEOPLE. According to audience member Margaret Stent, Aniston also said that she hadn't gotten breast implants, as one tabloid recently reported, explaining that when she gains weight, it goes to her chest. Aniston rolled her eyes when asked about Vaughn, adds Stent. But the actress made it clear that she and Vaughn are "still on," says Suzanne Hartigan, who traveled from Georgia to Chicago for the taping and adds that Aniston is "just as beautiful as she is in pictures." Hartigan's pal Debi Musgrave, who says Aniston wore a black tiered skirt and tank top, seconds that the actress was "more beautiful in person, and very real."
OK, a quick straw poll – what's the worst thing about this story? That Jennifer Aniston feels the need to go on TV to discuss every aspect of her personal life, that the Oprah audience members interviewed by People clearly take this sort of thing way too seriously, or that we're basically writing about what a bunch of women who worship celebrities to an almost demented level had to say to a magazine about what one woman told another woman on the television?
It's the last one, isn't it? Sorry.
[story by Stuart Heritage]